Grocery Shopping

I went grocery shopping tonight. Usually this is a tag team mission with my better half Diane. However tonight she had guitar lessons, and there was some special on TV with one of her favorite Dirty Hippies. So Alas I went on my own.

I like grocery shopping. I like buying food that I am going to eat, I like playing and singing in the aisles. I like looking at the people. Tonight flying solo, I felt a little weird. Regardless, I had my list and I was determined to get all of the items on it. One of the items was a spaghetti sauce with sweet peppers. I couldn't find one. This total hot chick comess up to me and says, "It's always tough to find the sauce you like." Which to me, and probably ever other happily married man in this world sounded like, "I want to have hot sex with you now." I mean, I smell bad, still have dirt all over my legs from my ride, and my arms are bleeding where briars have attacked me. How could she be thinking anything but, "me so horny! I gotta have this guy now." ?

Now look, I love my wife. She is the best. If she was here she probably would have pointed out this woman to me. However, I have to draw a borderline. I reply, "yeah, my WIFE sent me with a list, I gotta make sure I get the right stuff." She replies, "be a good boy. or else you have to come back." I find my sauces and carry on my way.

On the next aisle, the cereal aisle. I see the hot chick as she is looking over the vast selection of cereal. I figure, despite what the Fonz told Richie, nobody really tries to pick anyone up at the grocery store. So I figure she was being friendly, so I would be friendly back. I say, "Cereal selection is never an issue for me, I dig the granola." And the woman, who just five minutes go, I'm certain wanted to have hot sex with me, shoots a look at me like I was some kinda pervert or something. Like I was the devil himself. I have seen this look before. It was like high school. It was the look all the cool girls gave me as I walked down the halls, a grungy skaterfag. The look like, what are you doing on my planet. So I did what I thought was best in this situation. I farted. Oh it was a SBD (silent but deadly), but believe me, she smelled my wrath. All I wanted to do was pick up a few items at the store, instead I have a tragedy to tell.

I went home and told my wife the story. She laughed at me. "you jackass" she said, "here's a sandwich I got you for dinner. Now go get a shower and come sit with me." Yup, I am a lucky man, and I love my wife. Wouldn't know what I'd do with out her.

Rode fairhill tonight. It was fabulous. Trails were dusty but fast and fun. Despite living here, I was on the road so much last month I don't feel like I rode here much at all. Greenie Meanie, my John Deer Green Spot Brand 29er felt great, and the trails just flowed so well tonight. It was wonderful. Soul Cleansing for sure. For the first time since 7 springs, I even felt fast. Just for a few seconds, but there were a precious few seconds. Damn, that was good.

respect
fatmarc