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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Lazy Blogging...

Dear Readers.

Saw this on Tumblr.
I didn't write it, but I really enjoyed it, and wanted to share.
Yeah, I know lazing blogging. If I didn't write it does it count at all?

thanks for reading


1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.
8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
9. Don’t dumb it down.
10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
12. Never park in front of a bar.
13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.
16. A suntan is earned, not bought.
17. Never lie to your doctor.
18. All guns are loaded.
19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
23. A handshake beats an autograph.
24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
31. Eat lunch with the new kids.
32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.
33. It’s never too late for an apology.
34. Don’t pose with booze.
35. If you have the right of way, take it.
36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
38. Never push someone off a dock.
39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.
41. Don’t make a scene.
42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
43. Know when to ignore the camera.
44. Never gloat.
45. Invest in good luggage.
46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
49. Give credit. Take blame.
50. Suck it up every now and again.
51. Never be the last one in the pool.
52. Don’t stare.
53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
56. Admit it when you’re wrong.
57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
59. Thank the bus driver.
60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
62. Know at least one good joke.
63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
64. Know how to cook one good meal.
65. Learn to drive a stick shift.
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
68. Dance with your mother/father.
69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
70. Always thank the host.
71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.
73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
75. Keep your word.
76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.
77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.
80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.
81. You are what you do, not what you say.
82. Learn to change a tire.
83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
85. Don’t litter.
86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
90. Make the little things count.
91. Always wear a bra at work.
92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
93. You’re never too old to need your mom.
94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
95. Know the words to your national anthem.
96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.
97. Smile at strangers.
98. Make goals.
99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Five for Fighting

Dear Readers,

(ONE)  Earlier this week, I sent myself to the internet penalty box. No Facebook and Twitter until Sunday. I got myself into one of those internet arguments that you know no one wins over some assholery on Facebook. I was embarrassed to get pulled into it, but also upset that the situation happened at all. Frustrated, I went to the twitters looking for comfort, peace and smiles. I then realized that the sole purpose of the Twitter is to allow folks to be snarky and basically tell everyone that they suck. Oh- and pimp awesome blogs like this one.
Nick and I after I totally bonked in the final 15 minutes of my ride and he escorted me home...
Look I'll own this, I'm an ex-race promoter, and an ex-series promoter. I don't walk like I used to walk. Heck,  I barely walk at all these days. And to be honest,  I am stoked I'm out of the promotion game. But it just felt to me no one was adding anything other than "USAC SUCKS" or "the CEO makes $350k he doesn't care about cross" "everyone is a moron, I am so much smarter" Meanwhile, getting lost in what I felt like was a lot of bitching with no solutions (solutions apparently don't fit in 140 characters as easily as whining I guess) was the real travesty of nationals getting delayed for a day, (the junior women totally getting shafted) which Colin did a great job of highlighting here.  So essentially after getting totally frustrated I gave myself 5 for fighting and kept myself off of Facebook and Twitter until Sunday.  Had to be done. So Internets, did you miss me?

(TWO) Girl Scout Cookies are now being sold at work. They are $4 a box. I gave my friend who was selling them for her daughter $5 to not sell me any cookies this season.

(THREE) After Diane and I rode on Thursday night, I stopped in town to pick up a pizza. I didn't have a quarter for the meter, so I just figured I'd push my luck. I hustled into Grottos and picked up the pizza, and got back to the car. No Ticket. No Issues. I figured I'd run into the beer store and grab a six pack, again pushing my luck. When I came out of the beer store I saw him. The Meter-man. I saw him look up the street and see my meter flashing red. I looked at him, he saw me. We made eye contact. I, with six pack in hand, started running up the street. I ran to my car, and turned just as I opened the door giving my best lance armstrong look back to the meter-man .  He was walking up the street. I smiled at him. He did not smile back. I jumped in my car and pulled away...

(FOUR) Had an unplanned serendipitous group ride Saturday morning. It was gonna be wicked cold. Word on the street was that most of the fairhill and middlerun/white clay system were still very icy, but ironhill was golden. NOTE: Iron Hill was golden.  I rolled out of the house and set off to meet Diane at Ironhill. We'd been on a couple of text chains, but didn't really expect as awesome and a large group as we had today. It was rad. Diane hates Ironhill. Going back 20 years, a totally weird fluke crash and frankly she's not loved the place since then. Today she rode like a champ. I know she wasn't happy with her #Januarylegs, but she was technically on point.  I was super proud. Super Fun group, and a great time..

Travis H, Lisa Lisa, Buddy the leg breaker changing a flat, Monkey, Jen,
 Benny da Jewlar, Mr. Nick Sears and
 (FIVE) Riding bikes is really fun. But if you're reading this blog, then I'm guess I don't need to tell      you that huh?

thanks for reading.

best to you all, even those solving the world's problems on twitter

former walker, current talker

Sunday, January 11, 2015

beginning of a vision quest...

Dear Readers,

The other night Diane and I sat down at the table and were discussing our plans for 2015. We had a couple things marked out.

 "If we are traveling over a holiday weekend, I want to get the airfare, so that flights don't sell out." She said urgently.

"Monk it's over 6 months away, I think there will be plenty of time, we don't need to get the tickets tonight. I really think you're putting way too much into the logistics this far out."

She gave me the look that I imagine wives have been giving husbands for millions of years. The look that says, "I don't want to fight about this, but don't push your luck here..." In pulp fiction terms it's the "It's dangerous to push a race car in the red look." Men- you know the look. Ladies- you have given that look.

My phone rings. It's my brother. I'm saved.

Middle Run was in amazing conditions this morning. Maybe better than in the summer...

 With Cyclocross Nationals in Texas this week, Craig and I have been following the races, and enjoying all of the coverage that come with it. We also have developed a bit of a Vision Quest for our own trip to Nationals next year in Asheville. We started talking about the race schedule and if we expected it to be like this year's. We talked about when we plan on making the drive, and started talking about when we'd plan to leave, what days we'd be racing.

I looked up and saw my beautiful bride smirking at me.

"Really!!?" she muttered in a smart ass way.

"Six months is too soon to buy plane tickets, but you two are scheming a vision quest more than a year away!?" Monkey said smiling.
had the pleasure of riding with Mean Joe(he's not really mean), Ryan, Shane,
Hardest Working Man in Show business  Eddie, and  leading us today was
Birthday Boy Buddy the leg breaker...
"Touche Monkey!" I smiled. I could hear Craig on the other end of the phone laughing.  "Hey, man let me give you a quick call back, I gotta buy some plane tickets..."

thanks for reading.