Dear Reader,
It was inevitable that it would happen. I had a really bad exam. I am frustrated and frankly angry. I'm generally not one to attack the test, but mentally I keep going there.
It was a three problem exam. The one problem was one that we had not covered in class, and frankly when I sought out help, or the opportunity to come into see the professor last week, we never connected. Fuck that, he never emailed me back. Look I like the professor, he's a good teacher, seems like a great guy.
I own that I should have gotten into his office hours the day of the test, but you know, I have a job that is already very kind to allow me flexibility with school. Just prior to the test, he walked us through the problem. I understand the concept, but also am not bright enough to see a complex problem 20 minutes before an exam, and nail it on the test 20 minutes later.
I recognize that I ain't the brightest bulb, but I work hard. During this journey there have been plenty of concepts I didn't get. Plenty of problems I didn't understand. But if I throw time at them, and have a chance to reverse engineer, and work them- I'd get it. And that's what's got me furious right now. I never had a chance to do that with this problem.
I have no illusions of graduating with a 4.0, that was never the goal. But I put in a lot of time studying, and sacrifice a lot of time with my wife and dogs, family and training, and sleep, and stress, and energy level at the office even. I at least want a fair chance to show what I can do.
I don't feel like I got that fair chance. I am very frustrated this morning. Not sure of my next step. I'll be honest, I am confident my peers are largely worse off than I. Do I wait for the grades? Do I email him today? Frankly, I am more upset that I don't feel like the test was fair, or that I had a fair chance to answer it as much as I am about the grade.
I don't mind getting my ass kicked if I get to give my best. I don't feel like I was given a chance to give my best here.
I am furious. I am really frustrated, and I love this class. Damn it.
respect
vanderbacon
(doing my best to not send an angry email)
1 comment:
Marc - Definitely wait on the grade. If so many of your peers didn't do well, there's a good chance there will be a curve. No sense talking about the test itself until you know the outcome exactly. Also, if you have the chance, meet with the professor to better understand what you did wrong so you can nail it down when you need it for real( you know, when you actually use it in your career.) I used to teach college classes at an overly competitive school (kids would get physically ill for getting a 90 out of 100), and I used to tell them the same thing over and over: the test isn't for me as their teacher, it's for them as the student to gauge where they are in their studies. More so in grad school than anything else, a test is only that. Yeah, they'll use it for a grade, but grades don't mean shit in grad school. Only the degree. Whether you get A's or C's, you walk out with the same degree and salary demands. So if you are going to chase anything here, chase the ability to do exactly what you said you didn't here: react quickly to apply new knowledge. Like you said, you get this stuff - now it's just a matter of speeding up the process of taking it from concept to application. If that's all you've got to do, you're ina good spot already no matter what that grade says. Hang in there!
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