I'm no Bill Strickland*

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I admit to dressing up in lycra and riding all over town, and to reading/subscribing to a number of comic books. That said, at the end of the day that COS PLAY stuff just freaks me out.

So I was out for nice a  Friday evening spin. Just a quick hour to wash off the work week and prep for the weekend. Riding down Leeds road, a generally speaking not busy road, I heard him coming. He honked at me, and as I crested the hill, he ran up really close to my rear wheel. Close enough that I knew he was driving an older Cadillac.

The road turned down hill, and I was going about 35 as it twisted down close to the Big Elk River. The speed limit is 25 on this section, but I could hear my guy just off my back wheel, and honking...

The road flattened out and the classic caddy came around to pass me. There was no one else on the road except he and I. Of course he passed close to me, and was foaming at the mouth screaming at me as he drew parallel to me. As he passed, I sat up and took my hands off the bars throwing them in the air. "Really, Dude!" I yelled.

The Cadillac slammed on the brakes in front of me, I quickly put my hands on the bars, and swerved up along side my new friend, who had put down his window at this point.

Calmly, I said to him, "So when you kill me, are you going to be able to look my wife in the eye, and tell her you were in a hurry? How's your life going to be then?"

He was fuming. His face was beat red. He was furious as he shouted at me," YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. YOU DON'T BELONG..."

Calmly, I said to him, "Sir, you're wrong I do belong, read the law. You have to give me 3 feet to pass in Maryland, it's the law."

"FUCK YOU" he screamed at me as he started to open his door.

I stayed calm, but with purpose I said, "Yeah, go ahead and get out of the car."

At this point one of two things happened. One, the angry driver who was frankly stuffed pretty tightly into his car, realized how much effort it would be for him to get his ass out of the car. Or Two, I'll admit I can have a pretty menacing voice when need be, perhaps he reconsidered my invitation to dance.

Either way, I'm glad he didn't get out of the car, because god knows how that story ends.

"GOD DAMN IT!!!" the angry driver screamed, as he pounded on his steering wheel and he stood on the accelerator and drove away quickly.

The last ten miles of the ride my mind was racing. I was listened for the sound of that classic Cadillac running back to find me, and take me out. Conspiracy theories ran wild as I worked my way home. Shit, this is Cecil County, he's probably getting his freakin' gun. I tried to spin calmly and respect the goal of the ride, and who am I kidding: JUST GET HOME.

At the end of they day, the exchange didn't go well. Maybe I hoped if the angry guy realized I was a human, not just something in his way, he'd get it a bit. There wasn't any reason for our exchange. Frankly, it totally ruined my ride. My guess is it didn't make his day either. I am happy to be alive.

I would like to think that when angry man calms down he'll say, " you know hitting that guy would totally ruin my life." or maybe that when he tells the story of our exchange, his audience might say "you know if you killed a cyclist, it would ruin your life..."  But I also know that's probably a pipe dream. I just hope I didn't make things worse for the next cyclist this guy sees on the road.

Hindsight is 20/20, why didn't I pull out my phone and get a picture, or memorize his licence plate, other than being a historic Caddy from Maryland, and the driver being large and missing a few teeth...

Fuck, here's an idea, what if he had just given me some space or passed me legally?

be safe out there folks, be safe.

respect
fatmarc.

title reference here.

Stoudt's Summerfest 2013-

Dear Reader,

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I am a complicated creature, a fine mix of debonair and adrenaline. I often wake up and realize that it is a perfect day outside, and spend it on my couch feeling guilty. I am a mudder.  my mother, she was a mudder. My father he was a mudder too.

see I told you.

Go to your calendar, and circle the dates of July 12/13 2014, or thereabouts. Stoudt's Summerfest is an event not to be missed. SUCH A GOOD DAY.  Now I'll say the course was a little on the short side, and a second hose at the bike wash would have gone a long way,  but that said it was the most fun 1.5 miles you could squeeze into a lap. The fact that the course was a little muddy, added another layer of awesomeness to the event for me. Congrats to the entire JB Bikes Team for an outstanding and wicked fun event.

Buddy the keg breaker and I competed in the 2 person class of the 4 hour relay. After it was all said and done we finished up 2nd- 3 minutes or so out of first. I have to be honest, I am really stoked. I'm known for doing a little "Google Stalking" or "scouting" before a race. BTW Hey COLIN What's a brother gotta do to get some "mountainbikeresults.com" going? But I digress, know the field, know the course. I pride myself in preparing for these events.

On paper, I thought we'd battle for 5th or so. That said I knew with 16 teams, there would be some super tight and fast racing. I love this style of racing, and frankly for the first 2 hours I could see the race leaders, just in front of us, and I could hear 4th and 5th breathing down our necks. I have said, and I know this to be true about myself, that I enjoy the fight, more than winning. Meaning, I love the battle, the scrape. The drive to win, isn't want keeps me in this game. Not saying I don't like to win once in a while, but damn the fight is what I love. Today there was tons of fast, tight back and forth racing. It was awesome, I left the Stoudt's brewery with a belly full of pulled pork, a six pack in my cooler and a smile on my face. Here's a couple of quick additional thoughts..

Congrats to Travis and Scott for a hard fought win today.
 Congrats to Webster and Curtis for landing on the box and some super tight racing...

- Usually when Buddy and I race together, I'm generally the starter. It goes back a long ways, but we have these rules about team events and batting order... When we were pre-riding I saw that Buddy, who doesn't share my affinity for mud, was cleaning sections much better than I was. He's technically a stronger rider than I am, and it showed today. 10 minutes to the start, we called an audible, as the run was short, Buddy also doesn't share my affinity for running, and Buddy agreed to start. Here's a quick video of the racers coming down the hill after the run.

Buddy finished up the lap in third overall and was able to help launch us into a great ride today. He crushed that first lap, and frankly set a tone for our team for the day. It was rad.

-This is my C3: Twenty 20 Cycling Company teammate  Glen "the Nature Boy" Turner. He raced on a 4 man team today called the 4 horsemen.(along with Derek, Keith and Mark)

Pretty clear to me who the better Nature Boy is...

The end of month uniform violation fees that come from our director can be steep. That said being that Glen raced in hot pants and a feather boa all day will probably result in amnesty. The fact that his team (along with Derek, Keith and Mark) passed a championship belt to each other on each transition, and threw down smoking fast laps will certain garner a uniform violation fine waiver. These guys were turning the fastest laps all day. Congrats for the  well deserved win in the 4 man class.

Pricey was teamed with Dennisbike on the day, and one of the favorites in our class. Chris had a bike "modification" about half way through that hurt their chances. Geared to single speed...

Dennis tapped out 7 laps in a row, while Pricey tried to get his bike functional again..

Weaver Cycles Team Represented today... (4th)

James and I have been racing together for a LONG time...

The People Primarily responsible for me not being able to walk up stairs- heck walk at all today.

Philly Ciclisimo Compound. Like Pryor needed amplification!

- This is Didi Deluxe of Didi Deluxe and the Dirt Devils.

Wonder if we could lure Didi down to Granogue next year for our podium ceremonies?

The band played after the awards. I only caught one song, but did listen in to them on the You Tubes. They kick ass. She was pretty much the best unintentional podium woman EVER. As I was getting off the podium and they were getting ready to go on, she says to me, "why are you the only one still wearing your gear? I liked seeing all you guys in your spandex!" I laughed and told her that we kicked ass all day, and now it was their turn. She smiled and said they would. She was super cool.

It was a long day, but a great one. I'm stoked as I felt as good on the bike today as I have all year. I know that Buddy and I were well prepared, and left everything we had out on the hillside of the Stoudt's Brewery. So Stoked right now...

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

Yup, he got me again...

Dear Readers,

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I go out at night eatin' cars. I eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too, Mercury and Subarus. And I don't stop, I keep on eatin' cars. Yeah, I went there.

So Potter got me again.
I had a quick ride on the calendar for last night. An hour, a few fun little intervals, and call it a night before heading out to half priced nachos.

I kitted up, and Potter came in the house from doing his business. I said to Potter, "Potter, I'm going out for a quick hour can you be trusted?" he barked back to me. I took that to mean, "hell, yeah I'll be good."

"Dude, you can TOTAL TRUST ME !"

Sadly, I need to polish up on my Lab, because clearly he said, "Fuck yeah America, leave me out and I'm gonna trash the place."

Because that's what he did. Ouch.

Diane, who was swimming, and I got home at the same time walked in and found a kitchen chair knocked over, a title nine catalog shredded on the floor, and the Y's swim schedule shredded too.

"you left him out?" Diane looked at me.
"he said he was going to be good." I replied coyly.
"Sucker." Diane said.

You can't trust a cute lab and timely bark.

Hey check this out...

Velo Amis is promoting the final race in the Trail Creek Outfitters Trail Running Series- Chasin' for Chalfin. They are offering both a 15k and a 5k runs. The course is pristine and again on private land and it will be an awesome event. More info here.

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

More Adventures with Rollers...

Dear Readers,

My name is Fatmarc. I once ate 68 hotdogs in 10 minutes. Just missed the world record. I also am currently 2/3 done with Grad School. How'd that happen?

Diane's knee is acting up again. She's been off the bike now for about 6 weeks. She's dealing with some tracking issues, and bad swelling. She's working with an awesome PT right now, and taking it patiently (as she can), and working to get back out on the bike. Total Bummer.

Diane can ride the rollers for very brief periods of time.

(old video- she can't go that hard yet...)

Today she was watching the tour while riding. She was getting caught up in the action, and at one point realized she was going harder than she should as the group neared the top of a mountain climb. She looked down quickly and realized she was on the edge of the rollers, and chugging along, almost flirting with disaster...

She got control of the situation,and mellowed out a bit. "I gotta be careful and not get caught up in this!" she said to herself.

She continued to spin, and watch the tour as the riders, flew down a mountain pass. Diane shrieks out again, as she realized she's starting to lean in and corners on the rollers as the riders on the TV corner. Once again, Diane narrowly avoided disaster on the rollers in the kitchen...

Diane finished up her spin, and I asked her how it went, to which she commented, "it went well, it was fun watching the tour, but I gotta say, I'm probably safer just listening to music..."

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

My CONsorto !

Dear Readers,

My name is Fatmarc Vanderbacon. I used to play the Dad on a show called "Growing Pains" and like all Dads, I had to teach the kids about MONEY! I also enjoy coffee. In the morning I have a cup with sugar and cream, I take all subsequent cups black. You know like my soul.

Diane wanted to be close enough to the fireworks to touch them.
Yes, that is security blocking ..

Inspired by the Sam and Elk's game night, but too destroyed to make the trek to Philly, Diane and I had a few folks over who are completely not competitive playing a couple of hands of Death UNO. What could possibly go wrong?

There were a few pops drank, and some great smack talk. It was fun. I was in bed by 10. And snoring... And drooling because I haven't been having any pops lately, and I had a FEW.

The plan the next morning was to do the angry man ride, which thanks to CZ ruling with an iron fist is now 75% less angry. The folks that were in the chase group last week, all came early and rolled out like one big cohesive group. Now either because it was hot, or folks  feared getting the CZ beat down everyone was kind and the group stayed together. I'll admit, I was glad everyone was playing nicely, because I was a little hung over. It was hot, and my sweat smelled like high life. Not good. By Avondale I realized two things:

 1. My hangover had sweat off, but I still had a headache
 2. The damage was done, and I'd be riding a shorter loop on this day...

Thank you fellow riders of the Chester County Ride. Thank you for a less angry, angry man's ride. And thank you Mike CZ for ruling with an Iron Fist.

BUT I digress.. This Blog is called MY CONsorto!

CONsorto was also one of the attendees of the Death UNO match, and as he wasn't in the parking lot, I was surprised. I figured maybe he was sleeping in... Death UNO can be tough on a kid.  All good.

Buddy and I found CONsorto

So after it was clear I was smelling like a brewery, and not suited for bike riding today, Buddy the leg breaker was kind enough to peel off with me and ride me in from route 41...

Buddy asked," So no Consorto this morning?"

I joke, "Death UNO can be mentally exhausting. bummer I like riding with him."

Not five freaking minutes later a large, maybe 40 person group from the West Chester Cycling Club came past us, and who was in the middle of the group?

"CONSORTO!!!" Buddy and I yelled!

CONsorto replied casually, "Oh, Hey  Guys !"

we slowed a bit, and CONsorto peeled off of West Chest Cycling Club ride and joined us. The three of us made our way back to Papermill Park and called it a day...

I saw a lot of Metal today out on the road.

Much like Elvis, CONsorto is everywhere.

thanks for reading.

respect
Fatmarc

Scuba Gear Required...

Dear Reader,

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I have written a trilogy of books about vampires who don't want to hurt humans, but rather date them. These 100+ year old vampires find 17 years old intellectually stimulating and lock in on them. It's totally not creepy.  I also know we live in a world of grays, but cheating is cheating. I don't care if everyone else was doing it too. It seems like this time of year I have to say that more than normal. Do you cheat at your job?

Out on a bike ride with Dennisbike, Buddy the leg breaker, Travis, and CONsorto.  CONsorto did the Brownstown race on Saturday.

Fat-Me : "How did the race go?"

CONsorto:  "It was fun, but my belly went south at the end."

Fat-Me: "Drink too much at L-web's?"

CONsorto: "no, not at all"

Buddy the Kegbreaker: "Oh, so you didn't drink enough.."

CONsorto: "no, wait.. I..."

a rare speechless CONsorto moment...

It was a good ride Sunday. Humid enough that I think I needed an oxygen tank but fun. I suffered a lot, and spent the bulk of the ride starring at Dennis's rear wheel. I might owe him rent for using his rear wheel... I also admired the touch of gray developing in Travis's beard. Looks good...

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

Potter The Iron Stomach

Dear Reader,

My name is Fatmarc Vanderbacon. I once played "Ramble On" with Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones at Wembley Stadium. I also tend to eat a lot of yogurt.

Diane and I have an awesome two and a half year old Lab. Potter.

Needless to say, we were spoiled as very quickly Potter was trained, and frankly never got into anything. He was a saint. We credited our superior dog training skills and the fact that our other Lab Layla (11years) is much more mellow and a calming influence on him.

Layla Showing Potter the way...

After only a year, we felt comfortable and safe leaving Potter out of his crate when we were gone. For over a year we had no issues. Then a couple of months ago it all started up.

Strike One:
We stepped out for 2 hours and  Potter snagged a bottle of SLICK LUBE off the counter and decided to eat the bottle and the contents. We had a few moments of panic, called Kurtee (one of the owners of Slick Lube) and confirmed that there was nothing in the lube that would hurt him.

Potter was unphased, but got some crate time.  We joked that might be a little runny; but alas he was unphased. Thank goodness for his iron gut.

Strike Two:
Then in a fury of hell fire and damnation he attacked the recycle bin shredding 4 empty bottles of gatorade, and then taking a ful1/2 gallon of water and shredding it in our bed. Spilling the water all over the bed.

Potter was no longer allowed unsupervised free time.

this was a tube of blistex that was destroyed in his rampage...

Strike Three:
After a month of consistent crate time, and frankly little sections of time where we left him out unsupervised, Potter was seemingly back on track...We gave him another chance.  We left him out and went to work.

When we came home we found that Potter had taken a tube of chamois creme, and destroyed it, eating the chamois creme like the insides of an eclair. After couple of quick emails to the kind folks a Zevlin confirmed there was nothing harmful in it and of course Potter's iron stomach held up again, but as my mother once told me "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" well... fool me three times and there's a little more crate time in your future buddy.

good news is that Potter likes the crate, and I also think that he'll grow out of this. That and we have been keeping everything pushed back on the counters...

The Zevlin folks, as the SlickLube Folks were awesome getting back to us REALLY quickly, and following up with the health of our dear Potter.

ah, potter the destroyer...

yeah labs!

thanks for reading.

respect
fatmarc

Sex in the Shower

Dear Reader,

My name is Fatmarc Vanderbacon. I am Batman. And I've got love in my eyes and flowers in my hair.

Recently I have had the outstanding opportunity to demo my lust bike the Specialized Epic. Let me say that this bike is incredible. The model I had weighed the same as my current hard-tail. I got to do four different rides on this bike and I have come away thinking how amazing this bike is. It climbs well, takes off when you stand on it, and frankly takes the roughest sections of trail around here, and smooths them right out.

I was right to have this as my lust bike. That said, at the end of the day, it's not the right bike for me. My lust bike ended up being like sex in the shower.

"Sex in the Shower!?" you say, "That sounds awesome."

 Exactly.

That's my point. Sex in the shower does sound awesome, and don't get me wrong I'm not turning it down, but in reality, the execution of sex in shower is never as awesome as the idea. "I'm too tall" "you're too short!" " put your leg up on the ledge" "don't lean on the curtain" "be careful, don't slip " "I'm losing my balance" "hey, you're stealing all the water" "the soap dish isn't a handle"

If you've had sex in the shower, you probably know exactly what I mean.

Yeah, the idea of the Epic is amazing. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to ride it last week, but my diet of fast, rooty, tight single track just isn't the proper application (for me). My mountain bikes are generally fat tired cross bikes, with as little suspension as I can get away with. Frankly, if I lived in Michaux or an area with more rocks- This would be my machine. I do think the bike could make me faster, but I miss the trail feed back in sections like 5 bridges or crack head bob. Based on my local diet of trails, it would be like using a chainsaw to trim the hedges.

For me, this isn't going to work for an everyday mountain bike. Much like sex in the shower, I will continue love the idea of it, and appreciate it, but for me the reality is that the idea is better than the application. (like I said for me for me anyway).

That said, you know if I ever hit the lottery, I'll have one of these in my stable for sure,because it is really fun to ride. You know  just as sure as the fact that if when offered I would never pass on sex in the shower either...

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

Relay For Life

Dear Reader,

My name is Fatmarc Vanderbacon. I come from a family of wrestlers. Secretly, I always wished someone would have nicked named us "the four horsemen" instead of "rat bastard Vanderbacons"

My employer sponsors has sponsored a Relay For Life team the past three years. We try to make sure we  try have someone on the the track for the full 24hrs. The event itself has bounced around venues the past couple of years, and seems to have lost some steam. That said, I still honored to be a part of it. I choose to walk in the middle of the night. The luminaries are beautiful. As I walk I read the names on the bags. Perspective.  At one o'clock in the morning, there are very few folks on the track, and it's a wonderful time to just walk and think. I am fortunate to have this opportunity. It's weight and meaning is not missed on me.

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

Dare to be Great...

My dad always told us to do our best. No matter what we did commit 100%. He is an amazing father, I count myself very lucky to be his son. My brothers have also been amazing fathers.

My brother Bryan seizes a dare to be great moment with his daughter yesterday....

front yard surfing, just like when we were kids...

respect
fatmarc