The bathroom had a urinal and two stalls. It smelled clean, and in general appeared sanitary. I was pleased.
So I select my stall, walk in , pull down my pants and proceed to do my business. The bathroom is empty, which I'll admit I like. This should be a solitude affair and I'm pleased I have the room to myself.
Just then someone walked it. I could tell from the cadence of their walk, they had some serious business to do. I was just glad they didn't try to walk into my stall. the mystery bomber came sat in the stall adjacent to mine. I’m tyring to finish up my business when I hear him start some crazy sort of ritual.
It started with a deep breath, followed by a guttural kinda of growl, followed by the plop of a small turd hitting the bowl. Next, I’d hear him quickly turn around and flush the toilet. Quite for about 5 seconds, deep breath, guttural grown, plop, spin and flush, 5 more sections, and the sequence takes off again, deep breath, guttural grown, plop, spin, and flush. And again, deep breath, guttural grown, plop, spin and flush.
At this point, the RPF (rapid poopy flusher) totally had me thrown off my game, as I was shocked at the manner in which he was going about his business. Not really finished up my business, but totally freaked out, I cleaned up and made a high tail out of the stall. While washing my hands, I had the huge fear that the RPF would come out of the stall and want to have a conversation with me. I was so freaked out, I kinda made my mind up that I don’t want to know who the RPF (rapid poopy flusher) was. I don't want to imagine their face or their life.
Luckily I was done before he was… Damn how much water does he use to take a daily crap? Didn’t RPF ever hear of enjoying the entire body of work. Seriously weird. Maybe some kind of OCD?
In preparation for the weekend's events, I have a couple days off the bike. This is a good thing, it's been a while since I had two days off the bike. I have a ton of stuff to get together before the weekend too.
Last night I went climbing with Buddy, Rachael and Monkey. I always find climbing to be so relaxing. Buddy and I have been climbing a bit over our head lately, working this really fun v4 problem. We are both about 3 holds from the finish. It's pretty fun:
I put the REBA on my bike. As much as I don't like the weight it adds, the handling still feels great, and over the long haul this weekend it believe it's the right move. That being said, I'll still pack my rigid fork.
I have to go play with my devil's haircut now.
respect
faticus.
9 comments:
Man, that's one freaking pooper! WTF?
I agree with you that frequenting race venue porta-johns REALLY lowers your expectations of what a bathroom should be. I ALMOST justified squatting in vacant corner of Wal-Mart the other day. I thought to myself- EVEN if I'm caught, these folks would probably would not be phased AND it's probably cleaner/safer than the actual Wal-Mart men's room. In the end I just waited.
See you this weekend I hope.
Jason
I put a Reba on my Redline after Lodi. Totally changes how the bike handles, turns the ride into more of a leg workout, than the upper body workout it was as a rigid. I'm having trouble getting used to how fast I can go on it without disaster occurring - now it's more about being able to find a line and maintain traction, before it was about having a wide choice of lines (slower movement) and trying not to lose control as the bike bucked over obstacles.
I still suck, just my hands hurt less.
BTW, funny story about the loo. My workplace is plagued with a couple idiosyncratic evacuators. One guy is a seat pisser. If I ever catch him I'm going to kick his ass. He's either unmarried, or married to the filthiest, most slovenly woman in the world, because no decent woman would put up with a guy who does that - world conflict over leaving the seat up or down notwithstanding, the testicle lockbox would be wheeled out and the boy would be in trouble. You just don't pee on the seat, the floor, the wall behind the toilet, etc.
We also have a serial exploder. Couple times a week you go in one of the three stalls, and the thing has been grafitti tagged with poo. It's not hand thrown, like a good pizza - it's more sprayed on every surface on or adjacent to the back wall, like an un-neutered cat sprays something to mark it, if the cat was a 700 pound tiger and the spray was poo.
I used to be really hacked off about all this but now I laugh about it... what kind of sick (mentally, and possibly physically) bastards do that in a shared restroom? I think it's odd to have trouble about crapping in public cans, but with the Seat Pisser and Mr. Exploder, I'm starting to understand how a person could get a little neurotic about the joint. How I pity the Guatemalan dude who cleans the men's john... whatever they pay him, it ain't enough.
Blake is still a little sore about her favorite beach towel I "lost" when I had to go sprinting behind a beer store last Fall before a ride.
maybe a mule dropping condoms full of cocaine ...
drjon, my thought exactly!
LMAO! (no pun intended.) truly disgusting and truly hysterical.
You should've reached under and gave him a Larry Craig.
Nice climbing buddy!
I knew Jim would have some long ass post about shit on your comments section. LOL.
Hilarious post!!! Why do we think stories about shit are so funny!?
Post a Comment