Tuesday morning, this lovely woman forgot was that today was our anniversary. Honestly, I didn't care, because everyday is pretty great, and it's fun to recognize the special days, but I'm also smart enough to know having a wife like Diane, a friendship like ours, a relationship like ours, everyday is special.
But, still she totally forgot. I knew this because as she kissed me good bye to leave for work she didn't say anything. I evilly chuckled to myself. I knew and she didn't.
During the day, I called her and left her a number of messages, almost baiting her to see if she remembered. She didn't.
Finally, I got her on the phone. I asked her if she knew what today was. She says , "yeah the 25th... Oh crap..."
So I let her off the hook, and said, "happy anniversary baby!" She was shocked and couldn't believe she forgot. She apologized, and we talked for a bit, you know good moo moo stuff. We're cool like that.
best of all. I have a get out of jail for free card! In the world of social injustices, and gender inequity, if a man forgets his anniversary he's dead man walking, if a woman forgets, the man gets a get out jail free card.
What's the card for? Anytime the woman gets mad about something that the man couldn't avoid doing, because instinctual man code drove him to do it, and the man finds himself in hot water.
But alas, I now have one in the bank! Does it get any better than this!?
I get home from work, get a nice hug and kiss and we head out for a great little ride and have a bunch of fun together. Does it get any better? A great anniversary ride, plus I have a get out of jail for free card! One of the best anniversary gifts ever! I'm totally stoked.
So we get home from our ride, and I start cooking some dinner. Diane never eats my cooking. She tells me how tired she is, and that she is going to shower and hit the bed. I finish making the dinner, and promptly eat it. All of it.
Diane comes down stairs, and into the kitchen just as I take the last bite. "So where is mine?" she asks. I look at her in disbelief. I respond," What do you mean where's yours? you never eat my cooking." She is visibly angry and says, "I told you how hungry I was.. I told you it looked good, you ate the entire thing!? what the fuck?"
I scramble, "i can make you something else." "never mind" , she grumbles and storms upstairs slamming our bed room door.
I think to myself, "how did this just go so horribly wrong?" we were having a great day. I was having great fun making fun of her for forgetting our anniversary. I have a get out of jail for free card. I shout, " I have a get out jail for free card!" Fully shocked that I have had to use it so quickly, and second, further shocked that there's no response. I shout at again, "get out of jail free card!"
Fuck. Easy come and easy go. I blew that one pretty good.
Instant Karma is a bitch. At least I got a kiss good by this morning.
respect.
faticus
picture stolen from dennisbike.com
15 comments:
Happy Anniversary.
Sorry you blew your Get Out Of Jail Free card. I wouldn't have lasted that long.
Jason
A priceless story Mark:)
Peace
happy anniversary...
I have a charmed life and a wonderful wife as well
but...
I was not aware that men get to put points in the bank
in fact
I would check that Get Out of Jail Free Card for an expiration date
yes
the rules of life are different for each gender
we get to write our names in the snow
and well...
I forget what else
happy anniversary
I told my wife about your using the Get Out OF Jail Free card on the day you got it
then I described who you were
the winner of the Masters B race
one of the hosts of the Lil Belgian race...
she said... "oh... the cute one?"
I said... "yes, the one with the bob and the 90210 good looks"
Happy Anniversary, next time try to hole onto that get out of jail free card.
still laughing
still laughing. . .
i like how we celebrate your victories and your defeats equally.
C'mon, you should know by now that a get out of jail free card expires as soon as you realize you have it.
Happy Anniversary.
iP
>>>>I think to myself, "how did this just go so horribly wrong?
Because you are married to a woman, that's how. Jeeebus, Marc. You've been married how long? It's called "Chick-Jitsu." It's like a mental martial / marital art. Very deadly. Very strong.
Like Ju-Jitsu, they use their opponent's strength (in your case, seemingly shitawful cooking) against them.
I don't tangle with my woman when she steps in it, and generally just try to stick to this formula: I screw things up and expect to be in the doghouse, and then I pretend not to notice when she screws things up. That way, she stays in a constant level of low grade irritated at my sorry butt (usually with good reason), yet she never hits that level of big-time pissed that she gets when she screws up and notices I'm holding a Get Out of Jail Free card. That's why I love her... she's tough.
Sure, I never really get to enjoy a Get Out of Jail Free Card, and like The Man, she can do pretty much whatever she wants to the suspect (me), as long as some bystander doesn't get videotape evidence. But at least I'm usually at least on parole status, which isn't perfect, but it ain't bad. Like Michael Vick would tell you, you can *usually* get away with a lot while you're on unsupervised release. Subject to random drug testing, problems in other jurisdictions and so on, of course.
that is priceless
wow that's funny.
You ate all of it??? She told you she was hungry! Don't mess with hungry women!!! I think she now has a get out of jail card.
just remember: luck happens when preperation meets opportunity...
LOL- Happy anniversary and boy did she play you! After 10 years mo wedded bliss myself- I still make the same mistakes :)
bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha
you should have known...
the card was a fake.
Sorry, FM, but this time, I think you have earned the name "Fagicus".
I think you've crossed much too far into the "Estrogenized" side on the sensitivity meter.
You need to craft a weapon from a rock or stick, and kill an animal, IMMEDIATELY.
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