About a week out from the season opener. Thought it was time to take the test. Cross season means skin suits. Bikini season for big boys like me. I stretched it on. It was tight, I had a tough time breathing. I felt like a contortionist I tried to get the top over my shoulders. I needed Diane's help. closest I have ever been to a straight jacket. Seriously. Finally, I got it on.I'm afraid if I breath too hard it might just explode off of me.
I'm thinking of launching a new product. skin suit lube for the overweight fellas like me who need help sliding into one. Maybe I can get the sports balm guys to get behind me...
Headed out for a ride after work, did some sprints with a guy who claims to not be riding well right now. I think he took me on over half of the efforts. fucking bastard. Or is that rotten bastard.
RULE #4 of the Dccod is that you can't take a compliment on your riding. Anytime someone tells you that you did well, or you are riding well you have to reply with one of the following:
1. "I don't know, I feel really bad, suffering a lot..."
2. "I still have a lot of work to do..."
3. "It's a long season, I hope I can pull it together..."
Hit the old home grown with Breyla-la-la, Wheelie Ted, Rotten, and Diane. A couple of drinks to help wash away the stresses of the week, a very tasty pumpkin ale from dog fish head. Nice sante fe cobb salad too.
On the way out and up the street we saw many drunk kids. Welcome back U of D.
One kid looked at us and said, " high five" Breyla-la-la gave him the high five and he tried his best move:
Do you know my name?" Monkey and Breyla-la-la answer simultaneously, " no way!!!" and start laughing at the drunk kid.
Do you know my name?" Monkey and Breyla-la-la answer simultaneously, " no way!!!" and start laughing at the drunk kid. Rotten and I follow up, me first, "your name is Mclovin!!" the kid looks at us puzzled. Rotten continues, "you are a 25 year old, white organ donor from Hawaii!!"
We all burst into laughter as the kid stood confused, and feeling I'm sure a little violated. It was pretty good. He spoke up, "my name is Kevin!" Rob and I continued, "MCLOVIN!"
"B" bike is almost built up. I'll see slik rik on Monday for his final touches and that bad boy will be ready to roll. Woke up to an email box full of folks, registering for Nationals last night. Ah, I missed the first race of the year. Sounds like the brothers and sisters of the DCCoD did well though...
One week until I try to squeeze myself into a skin suit again. If the lube doesn't work out, How about a giant shoe horn to get my fat ass into that thing...
what kind of sport squeezes big boys into lycra? much less something called a skin suit.
you think she got hammered, wait until you see me. holy hell. And I think she looked fine, but I'm not going to start on our country's unhealthy obsession with skinny, nor do I want to really defend someone who is getting killed for being fat, when she made her millions being a skank, exploiting the salacious. Thank God there's not pop princess of cross.
respect.
faticus
5 comments:
Remember the one Tour a few years ago where the ass end Armstrong's million dollar Nike skin suit was splitting at the seams?
I think you'll be just fine. And if the suit splits on you, just point out that even TDF winner and (reported) one night layers of Jennifer Aniston split their skin suits.
Man, I wish I had it that good. The only skin suit I could fit my fat ass into, is a bearskin suit. We're talking brown here, the ones that eat whole salmon, deer, and hikers for breakfast, not one a them skinny little berry-eating, crapping in the Adirondacks black bears. Think I'll stick to rockin the C's or maybe B masters with the bib tights and a snug (2x) jersey. Wouldn't want to scare the women and horses.
Yeah Marc, you can interpret that as "stop moaning, you skinny fellow."
wait.
there's NOT a pop princess of cross.
well there goes my season. . .
xo
m
there are no words to describe how angry I am with you right now for making me see britney cooter.
you're a bastard.
edited to add:
xwzixzxi
^ THAT was what I had to type to enter this comment. can you believe that??? that took me 53 tries and two hours.
If you get a bite on some of that skin suit lube I could use some for the regular bibs. That would be much easier than laying off the beer. I could go for a skin suit too if I knew where to buy one. Maybe I could get one that would flaunt my division sign! You know 3 part it. Chicks dig that right?
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