episode 135: gold digger

So I'm driving home from the Granogue Estate last night, I hear a raucous over to left of me, and I feel compelled to look over . I see a car full of attractive, college aged girls pulls up along side me at an intersection.

Now, because I'm a dude, I think every car full of girls on the highway, thinks I'm the man, and pretty much thinks I'm hotter than Brad Pitt. To women this entire scenario may just seem ridiculous. Please understand the "pick up women while driving" is part of the male DNA, we all pretty much think this way. So don't be alarmed when the 13 year old dude in the car next to you looks up from his gameboy and winks at you, or the 80 year old dude driving 40 mph on I-95 suddenly looks up and gives you a big ole smile. We can't help it, it's DNA. But I digress, back to the story.

The girl in the passenger seat gives me the wave. Oh, you know the wave, the one where the girl smiles coyly, and slowly one finger at a time waves at the older, creepier man driving the blue toaster. Sometimes I think women are genetically coded to try and make men think that they can pick up a car full of women while driving. This entire scene reminds me of Chevy Chase, when he was still funny, in a National Lampoons Vacation kinda way.

Traffic started moving again, and I get a chuckle at the entire situation. I look out the side window and see their car pulling up alongside of me again. I want to do something funny, something to show that I appreciated the wave, something to respond to the fact that they could clearly not resist me, you know while driving.

So just as they pulled even with me, I stuck my finger up my nose and began twisting, as if I was hunting for gold. I turned and faced them, with my finger up my nose, and made a face of pure shock, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. They started laughing, and then I pulled my finger out of my nose, started laughing back, after getting a tissue, I turned on my turn signal and headed down Cleveland ave and towards the homestead, laughing all the way home....

Hills from hell was cancelled tonight, due to passing thunderstorms. This may have been a good thing. Monkey sensing my stress levels, advised that I get my swerve on tonight with a few frothy beverages. I kinda gave up drinking, or at least greatly reduced my intake this year, so I really only needed a couple, but with my compatriots : Jan, Rotten Rob, Monkey, E-town and Meghan, I decided to go full force and have a couple more. Swerve fully on.

At deerpark, we tackled a hills from hell of a different kind attacking a half priced nacho, and many other dishes including fish taco, crab fries, and a frickin' quesidilla. It was awesome.

Our waitress Jess, I think her name was, was the greatest ever. First when the taps, on the kegs were all jacked up, she says, "you know usually I say you can never have too much head, but the taps are broken, and foaming way to much."

I think rotten rob saw hearts around her head and fell in love right away. She did an awesome job the rest of the night dishing smiles, burns and food. When we were getting the check we asked her two questions. First I asked her:

So what do you think about guys that wear those blue tooth phones? Are they getting any play?
she laughed and said, that only dorks wore them, and they were getting no action. especially when they walk around talking on them.

Next, Rob asked her what she would think of a guy who would wear pink and green?
She said pink reminds her of bubble gum, bubble gum is soft, and she can't be with a soft guy.

Laughter erupted at the table. There was some other exchange where rotten rob offered to show some other things to her, you know for a purely scientific reasons. She just smiled coyly...

It was a great night, and a much needed stress reliever. A good time was had by all, even Jess.

And my swerve was/ is fully on.

And for something that has nothing to do with nothing, I know, at the end of the day, I know the truth. And regardless of what other people will spin, I know. I might not want to know, but I do know, you can call it what you want, but I know exactly what happened, and at then end of the day, I have a clear conscious, and I can look myself in the mirror.

Good luck, and good night.

stay in school.

respect
fm