last weekend on the coldest day, I went for a little road ride with E-town and Fil. The ride was good. we had fun, it was really what the doctor ordered.
the only problem was that my junk, well my junk froze. I mean the rest of my body felt good, I had neoprene on my feet, big gloves on my hands, but clearly the two layers of tights I had on, were not enough to protect my junk. You know my twigs and berries, my bait and tackle, my family jewels, my jimmies, my little man, my bishop, my...
well, you get the point, my little pointer was in bad shape. By the time I got home and peeled off the two layers of tights that were covering my banana, my little guy was wind burnt like I couldn't believe. It looked like I just watched a marathon of "the girl next door" (no not the girls next door the trashy VH1 TV show , but the girl next door the trashy movie with Elisha Cuthbert.)
To make matters worse, every time I had to take a leak, my johnson just got kinda irritated, and frankly it stung like hell. Thankfully, a few days later I am happy to report, all is good in the world of my shlong or shlort, which is probably more accurate. My lesson is learned, 2 layers of tights are not enough on a windy day. Maybe someone will make a neoprene junk cover...
Out for a ride today at lunch. I rode past this farmhouse that had 2 huge boxers, both wearing the invisible fence collars. I watched as they eyed me up. I was super stoked they had shock collars on, as I have no form, and frankly in a sprint with a dog right now, I'd probably just lie down on the ground and let the pooch lick my face, either that or let him bite my face off.
Purely out of habit I stand up, and one of the dogs, charges a long his boundary riding along with me. The roads in this area were beautiful not a spec of ice to be found. The yards however are covered in treacherous ice. As sparky was coming to the end of his run, he tried to stop suddenly, and slid just a little further than he should have. I know this because I heard poor sparky give up a little yelp, as I guess he slid through the invisible fence, or reacted in Pavlovian style, expecting to be shocked as he scurried his way back to the yard. Thanks for the the run Sparky, sorry for the shock.
the only problem was that my junk, well my junk froze. I mean the rest of my body felt good, I had neoprene on my feet, big gloves on my hands, but clearly the two layers of tights I had on, were not enough to protect my junk. You know my twigs and berries, my bait and tackle, my family jewels, my jimmies, my little man, my bishop, my...
well, you get the point, my little pointer was in bad shape. By the time I got home and peeled off the two layers of tights that were covering my banana, my little guy was wind burnt like I couldn't believe. It looked like I just watched a marathon of "the girl next door" (no not the girls next door the trashy VH1 TV show , but the girl next door the trashy movie with Elisha Cuthbert.)
To make matters worse, every time I had to take a leak, my johnson just got kinda irritated, and frankly it stung like hell. Thankfully, a few days later I am happy to report, all is good in the world of my shlong or shlort, which is probably more accurate. My lesson is learned, 2 layers of tights are not enough on a windy day. Maybe someone will make a neoprene junk cover...
Out for a ride today at lunch. I rode past this farmhouse that had 2 huge boxers, both wearing the invisible fence collars. I watched as they eyed me up. I was super stoked they had shock collars on, as I have no form, and frankly in a sprint with a dog right now, I'd probably just lie down on the ground and let the pooch lick my face, either that or let him bite my face off.
Purely out of habit I stand up, and one of the dogs, charges a long his boundary riding along with me. The roads in this area were beautiful not a spec of ice to be found. The yards however are covered in treacherous ice. As sparky was coming to the end of his run, he tried to stop suddenly, and slid just a little further than he should have. I know this because I heard poor sparky give up a little yelp, as I guess he slid through the invisible fence, or reacted in Pavlovian style, expecting to be shocked as he scurried his way back to the yard. Thanks for the the run Sparky, sorry for the shock.
9 comments:
I was out on the Schuylkill River trail the other weekend and passed this guy with a small dog. a peekapoo or something like that. well I'm rolling easy with a tailwind at19mph and the next thing I hear are little paws a mile a minute next to me - he's keeping pace, tongue out, legs a blur, for about a quarter mile. I laughed a good bit, cheering him on. it was nice to share the ride.
I love how your first post after that new article is about your junk.
haha.
AShiz
frozen junk = not good.
Great pict from your 15th minute.
Later.
don't feel bad, I think there's something innate in boxers that make them crave that very shock...We had to do away w/ our electric fence for dearly departed boxer Hazel because she actually liked that zap. And no, her eventual demise had nothing to w/ the electric fence. At least I think!
same thing happened to me last week, bro. They need to make a neoprene condom or something....
so long as we don't get a pic of the windburnt dong, i'm happy. the monkey butt was enough.
The dong is always vulnerable, the taint, crushing it, the balls, feeling good, the brunt of the winter assualt, wind burnt.
dude, craft windfront underware is the way to go. save your junk man, you'll hopefully need it for the rest of your life.
i have been using a microwaved fish taco with some luck to protect my junk during the cold morning rides.
OUCH!
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