episode 104: bionic pain in the ass

Fuck you Bionic Woman. I'm getting ready to stick my foot in your bionic ass. Sleep Rest Beds? Has it gotten that bad? Has it really? I mean with your Bionic ear you can't come up with something better. Last week I stayed in a hotel for a week. The hotel had the sleep rest bed. You know, "what's your sleep number?" Well, at first I was kinda excited about this. I figured I like a firm bed, so I started to up my number. All the way up to number 70. As I laid on the bed and watched the number on the remote move up, I felt the bed become more convex. I felt it getting stiffer, but the bed also formed a little arc. Needless to say I didn't sleep so well on the hillside that my bionic bed created. So the next night I went the exact opposite direction, lowering my sleep number to 25. Now I can't say that the bed was all that much softer, but what it did do was create a concave little burrow in the middle of the mattress. This allowed me to curl up inside of it in a fetal position. Although I didn't sleep so great, at least I could curl up in my little womb each night. Seriously, if hotel floors didn't creep me out, I would have slept on the floor. Bionic Woman, may I recommend the auto shifting bike, or maybe your own line of bionic acne cream, or even maybe a line of knives that cut through cans, but please, please don't mess with the mattress anymore, sleeping on the road is tough enough.

Lizstrong : tough as nails. she too hates the sleep number.

Cold ass week for riding, I'll tell you. Tuesday night Titans was a decidedly base paced ride, as Todd (el presidente) set a steady and smooth pace. His loop was, as usual incredible. Our group: wheelie ted, john (bl Todd),once a week Paul, green trek john, ffa, papa smurf , the aforementioned Todd (el presidente) and yours truly. We would have finished group fully intact, despite the efforts of Tom (papa smurf), who did a triple Lindy, successfully breaking a rail off his seat, but finishing the ride on one rail, but we did have one bonk. FFA bonked hard. To be honest she kinda freaked me out a little. If I wasn't so worried, I would have laughed out loud. It wasn't a slow sneak up on you bonk, but rather an all lights out at once bonk. Clearly out of gas... She was muttering, " I need water, does anyone have any water, I need water..." with a hollow gray look in her eyes. No one had water, because it was all frozen. Scary, but she proceeded to turn the lights back on as she finished up very strongly and really rode quite well. Hell for the first third of the ride she sat on Todd's wheel like her last name was "the leg breaker..."

Jan

Thursday Night was more of the same. Todd (el presidente) took point again leading a nice group out of his place including Tom (papa smurf), Jan, Dan the man, E-town, and myself the fat one. We ripped out of Rittenhouse which is in better shape than I have seen in years. I was really happy, because I seemed to have found my grove. Most of the sections that I just blew last week I rode this week. On the trail we picked up Ted Logic's group who started from Newark B-L. This included the aforementioned Ted Logic, FFAmy, John (Bike Line's todd), Neal and Dan. Ted logic immediately spiked the pace a bit, with Todd, Dan the man and FFA contributing. I admit I was a little worried about Tom (papa smurf) and Jan. The rittenhouse trail leaves very little room for error, one miscue and you will end up in the Christina river. Tom almost had such an incident but with his catlike reflexes he was able to grab on to a tree and keep himself from going into the drink. That was pretty damn funny. Tom and Jan rode very well, and a side from Tom's tree bending incident, his technique was spot on. Not too bad for a fella who hasn't ridden at night in four years until this week. Jan commented, "this sure beats the trainer..." yes it does.

Ironhill was fun, I felt like I was on rails hurling myself down fuzzy's trail. Todd (el presidente) got an ice cream headache from going down it so fast. Shortly thereafter, my light died so Tom and I got popped off the group as he lent me his back up. Somewhere in this mess FFA got totally separated. Jan, Tom (papa smurf), E-town and I ended up rolling out together and heading back to Todd's place for some fine tortilla soup. When we got back Todd (el presidente) and Dan the man were already dressed and warming up. The soup was delicious and hit all the right spots after a wonderful ride. I was really happy with my technique tonight. It just seemed to be there, were last week, well not so much.

El Presidente, Papa Smurf and Dan the man enjoy a fine bowl of Tortilla soup. Delicious!

a little disappointment in the fatmarc household folks. Diane (chunky monkey) has been suffering from a pretty nasty cold, which I am doing everything in my power to not catch I might add. So the other night I picked up dinner from the ole deer park. I went for fish tacos. I heart deer park fish tacos.

So I picked up dinner, and I got home, and eh. They just weren't great, a little soggy, not crispy. The rice that is usually outstanding was bland, and tasted like wall paper paste. The flavor of the tacos was good, but not up to snuff. Now, I did of course eat all three, but damn, usually this is one of my favorite meals, and today, well eh. Maybe my expectations where too high. Maybe Joe Pecci was right: The fuck you in the drive thru. I got Diane a chicken wrap which she enjoyed, however I asked for fries, and they gave her chips. hmmm. That's a crime punishable by severe beating. Whenever you have an option of chips or fries, fries should always win. always.

respect.
fm