the bloody fist...

Last week somewhere, I had a dream or maybe I saw it somewhere, I can’t really remember now. It was a teacher, maybe a doctor talking to a room of students. He said “The heart isn’t some shiny red valentine, but rather a bloody fucking fist in your chest. It’s a muscle, perhaps the strongest, most important muscle in your body. It works non stop pumping life through your tired old body. So when you say someone has heart, don’t think of a valentine, but of what it is a bloody fucking fist, working day and night. relentlessly”

That image, the bloody fist working relentlessly, has been burned in my mind for days now. Each time I ride, I think of that bloody fist. Last night I rode Granogue with Nick S, Matt T, Buddy the leg Breaker, Green Trek John, Leo and a number of guys from The Beans team, that was the image in my head the entire time. A bloody fucking fist. I had hoped to race the AMBC at Greenbriar next week, but tonight’s ride proved to me that it’s still too soon. I’m still developing. I’m getting stronger, but still have much work to do. But as I climbed and Matt passed me on I think every climb tonight, I kept thinking about that bloody fucking fist. I tried to ride with heart. I tired to work hard, and I push myself, although I may not have the fitness I want, I can ride like it is important to me, because it is.

The bloody fist was in my mind as we climbed over Weymouth’s, and I thought about the Granogue race last year. It was one of my best races ever, and although I took 3rd, in that field that day, I was proud to walk away with 3rd. Had I chosen to race my age group, I would have won. But standing on that podium with those guys, I wouldn’t change a thing. Tonight, with sadness I rode, knowing I would not be racing this weekend. But still the bloody fist was in my head and in my chest pumping, working, driving. I shared some of my experience with Buddy and Matt, I’m proud of those guys, they have worked hard, they are my boys, I want them to ride well. I want to share any wisdom I have with them, so this Sunday, against what will be a huge and very tough field, they can stand on that podium.

Up the fire road climb the last time, Matt attacks early, once we catch him Green Trek John and Nick counter, I can not respond, They are riding very well. I keep the image of the bloody fist in my head, I catch Matt and I try to stay with him. He surges and opens a small gap. The bloody fist drives me on. I stand and try to close, the rise picks up again, I get close, but Matt eludes me. I have ridden well, and I am pleased. But still there is much work to do. I want to ride with heart, not a shiny valentine heart, but a strong, pumping, vital bloody fist.

Sometimes, I ride from a dark place.

Respect
fatmarc