Rule #23

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon, and I fully believe and support rule #23. Rule #23 of course being that weddings are awesome. I would further add, that being in the weddings is even more rad. I had the awesome opportunity to be in the wedding of my good friends Jake and Alyssa Davidson last weekend. The weekend was an extravaganza that started on Friday afternoon, had bike rides and yard games on Saturday and wrapped up with a beautiful ceremony Sunday morning.

While we are really bummed that Jake and Alyssa have recently moved to Denver, I am so happy and stoked for them. They are awesome people, and will be awesome together. We'll being coming out to do some couch surfing soon enough! Monk and I had an amazing weekend, and were so honored to be part of this incredible weekend.

Here is some photo blogging:

Rehearsal Dinner. Alyssa ruled with an awesome teacher voice and a kinda heart.

Jake and I. All smiles this weekend.

Zack and Brett feverishly work to clean parts for the presentation...
Bike grease and tuxes what could go wrong?

Saturday Morning Jake/Brett hosted a michaux mtb ride.

It was a pretty awesome group of people.

Still Awesome.

up a dirt road, heading for the community service trail...

Somebody had a 25th anniversary this weekend too!

Saturday Garden Party Was rad...

Sunday Morning Ceremony was a 6:30am call...

Brett has to keep Zach and I seperated.

Had the PLEASURE of finally meeting and riding with Brett. What and awesome guy. Working on some up coming fairhill and michaux play dates!

This one might be a Christmas Card Photo...

While we rode Michaux, Monk headed out for a little road ride, and went up King's Gap. The view at the top was worth the effort

king's gap

pictures are worth a thousand words.

all smiles today!

the Bergey girls are breaking the rules.

The presentation line, and the fruit of Zach and Brett's efforts pay off...

Congrats again to Jake and Alyssa, such a fun weekend, and thanks for letting us be a part of your awesome weekend.

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

What I did on my Summer Vacation. (5 days on the Umpqua River Trail, Oregon)

Dear Readers,

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I just had perhaps the most amazing one week of my life. Monk and I jumped on a big ole jet plane and headed to the west coast. We did a weeks worth of riding and it was awesome. This post will be a small collection of thoughts and memories from the trip, I'm sure if you ask me about it I'll have lots more. This post will also a little bit longer, and I realize that looking at vactation photos and selfies can be lame. Indulge me a bit. I write this to remember how awesome the trip was before heading back to work and the real world. So get a cup of coffee, or a beer and I hope you enjoy the following recollections.

Northern California is Rad. So Monk and I had a day before the tour started. The town our hotel was in was a little bombed out. I blame walmart. I mean all the small shops and the center of town were all abandoned, but the new Walmart was jumping. But I digress by taking needless shots at a fine retailer and homogenizer of the world. We jumped in the car and headed south. South to California. It was amazing. Bucket list stuff for me.

The Red Wood Forrest was breath taking.

Diane photo bombs her own shot.

Mountains in the background of the beach. awesome.

Ashland, Oregon was pretty rad too.  We ate here when we first got into Oregon, and hung out in a super sweet small book store for a few hours. It didn't suck. It did make me realize that I'm not a barnes and noble fan. Fun little college town, lots to see and eat.

Ashland...

Destination Rides: One of my favorite things about this tour was that we rode from campground to campground. We worked out way down the 80 mile Umpqua trail over 4 days, plus a fun ride around Lemolo Lake. It added to the sense of adventure. We got in the van on Monday and not again until Friday. The complete lack of cell phone and internet access in the mountains was also a giant plus. Map time each morning detailed our route and any hazards we may face in route.

Our Guides were Awesome.  I know this is their job. And damn are they good at it. Great time, funny and they love to ride as much as any of us. The weird part was that they did all the set up, all the break down, loading the van each day. It felt weird not to help, but they were always like, "we're working this is your vacation" and were super cool. The Food was amazing. Frankly, having John and Lucy as guides was a lucky break and amazing stuff. All we had to do was focus on riding, eating and taking it all in. They also did an outstanding job of making sure we didn't miss important stuff on the trails like water falls, as we rode.

No waterfalls like this in Fairhill.

John on the left, Lucy on the right.

Swimming Holes:  At the end of each day's map time John and Lucy would explain that there was an awesome swimming hole. With no showers during the week the swimming holes would be how we would clean up. The water was freaking cold. Each day the guides would explain the route and follow up with, the swimming hole is rad, and the water should be warmer. We all laughed.

Russell:  Our actual tour group was very small. Diane and I and Russell. Russell was a really strong rider from Oklahoma. I was stoked to meet him, and get to hang out with him for a week. He was brutally funny, and was by far one of my favorite things about the trip. I hope to lure him, and for that matter the John and Lucy, out east to share a weekend of Fairhill riding...

Monkey: As regular readers of Fatmarc.com know, Monkey has been battling a knee injury for about 6 weeks. We had concerns that she might not be able to ride at all on the tour. I had a rope packed in my bag in case she couldn't pedal, and I was prepared to pull her around the tour. All that said, and Diane did wonderfully. Now I know she'll protest and say her fitness is a disaster, and clearly her knee is not right yet. That said, she did amazing. The first day, we climbed 3+ miles right off the bat. 40 minutes or so. The longest climb timewise of her life. I had to remind her to be patient. She was. That first day she was stoked, and in the end, she rode 4 days. Now to get that knee working correctly!

Dread and Terror: is the namesake trail of the trip. John explained that the name has very little to do with the trail, and everything to do with the canyon it is in. The firefighters gave the section it's name because if it ever caught fire there would be no way to control it. Now I have entire different theory on the name. At the end of the trail, there are some hot springs. The hot springs have become an attraction for the lots of naked dread locked hippies. I came flying into this final section and into a nice little techy section which I proceeded to totally screw up. I said something like, "Fuck me" as I narrowly avoided throwing myself on the ground." Being that we hadn't seen another soul in two days on the trail imagine my surprise to look up and see naked, and half naked hippies everywhere. I collected myself and said, "err, sorry" jumped on my bike and got moving again...

Deer Leap: You know when you look in the Bike Magazines and they show these incredible lush forests of the North West? Well, that was pretty much standard course for this trip, but no more so than on the Deer Leap trail. It started with a 3+ mile rolling switch back climb that could only be described as riding through the forest moon of Endor. Words will not do this section justice. This section, this day was one I will remember for a very long time.

Russell Gets Some.

Compression Socks: Okay, not really. As we came down in elevation, poison oak became more prevalent. In an effort to protect ourselves we wore some damn sexy knee highs. I make this look good.

I make this look good.

Local Lines: There was a gnarly lava rock step up section that I wanted to clean pretty badly. I took 4 shots at it and came close, and by close I mean maybe a half pedal stroke from cleaning it close, but ultimately didn't get it. John was watching and I asked him, "hey man is there a local line, or any beta you can give me to get this?" John smiled at me and said, "well, you seem to have the line, here's your local line- get a full suspension bike buddy!" we all laughed as John flew into the section and almost cleaned it before getting bounced off line. "Karma, my friend" I said to him. We all laughed. That's really a flavor of the fun, and friendly smack talk we had going all week long.

John killed this wet series of step downs to a wet bridge.

Bob's Butte:  All week long Lucy and John had warned us about the last day and what would be the two toughest climbs- Tioga and Bob's Butte. While I didn't show it, I will admit I was a little nervous. Fatmarc isn't a name that screams "good climber". We got over Tioga, and it was tough we rolled into Bob's Butte, it kicked up right away, and had a series of maybe 10 switchbacks. Near the top the trail came out into the open and in the sun. At this point I was full euro with my jersey unzipped as we covered another pitch and entered the woods.  We stopped to regroup remembering the map and that there was one last pitch in my mind. Lucy came up and told us the climb was over. Russell and I high fived. The toughest climb of the day was behind us. Sweet.

Get in the Van:  We rolled into Swiftwater and wrapped up the trip. I felt a sense of accomplishment, and joy, but was also bummed. This had been a really special and fun week. Diane rode 4/5 days and didn't have any additional issues with her knee. We met some really cool, skilled, and fun people in Russell, Lucy and John. As we stopped at the gas station, we all grabbed some fresh beef jerky from the local butcher that was next door. We traded different flavors and joked as we rode back into cell/internet service areas as our phones began to ping, chirp and sing as the reality of the outside world crept back in.

I'm glad to be home. My bed was awesome last night. I'm stoked to have slept in it. I also know that if I get a chance to get in the van again. I'll jump at it...

thanks for reading.

best to you.

respect
Vanderbacon.

I'm no Bill Strickland*

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I admit to dressing up in lycra and riding all over town, and to reading/subscribing to a number of comic books. That said, at the end of the day that COS PLAY stuff just freaks me out.

So I was out for nice a  Friday evening spin. Just a quick hour to wash off the work week and prep for the weekend. Riding down Leeds road, a generally speaking not busy road, I heard him coming. He honked at me, and as I crested the hill, he ran up really close to my rear wheel. Close enough that I knew he was driving an older Cadillac.

The road turned down hill, and I was going about 35 as it twisted down close to the Big Elk River. The speed limit is 25 on this section, but I could hear my guy just off my back wheel, and honking...

The road flattened out and the classic caddy came around to pass me. There was no one else on the road except he and I. Of course he passed close to me, and was foaming at the mouth screaming at me as he drew parallel to me. As he passed, I sat up and took my hands off the bars throwing them in the air. "Really, Dude!" I yelled.

The Cadillac slammed on the brakes in front of me, I quickly put my hands on the bars, and swerved up along side my new friend, who had put down his window at this point.

Calmly, I said to him, "So when you kill me, are you going to be able to look my wife in the eye, and tell her you were in a hurry? How's your life going to be then?"

He was fuming. His face was beat red. He was furious as he shouted at me," YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. YOU DON'T BELONG..."

Calmly, I said to him, "Sir, you're wrong I do belong, read the law. You have to give me 3 feet to pass in Maryland, it's the law."

"FUCK YOU" he screamed at me as he started to open his door.

I stayed calm, but with purpose I said, "Yeah, go ahead and get out of the car."

At this point one of two things happened. One, the angry driver who was frankly stuffed pretty tightly into his car, realized how much effort it would be for him to get his ass out of the car. Or Two, I'll admit I can have a pretty menacing voice when need be, perhaps he reconsidered my invitation to dance.

Either way, I'm glad he didn't get out of the car, because god knows how that story ends.

"GOD DAMN IT!!!" the angry driver screamed, as he pounded on his steering wheel and he stood on the accelerator and drove away quickly.

The last ten miles of the ride my mind was racing. I was listened for the sound of that classic Cadillac running back to find me, and take me out. Conspiracy theories ran wild as I worked my way home. Shit, this is Cecil County, he's probably getting his freakin' gun. I tried to spin calmly and respect the goal of the ride, and who am I kidding: JUST GET HOME.

At the end of they day, the exchange didn't go well. Maybe I hoped if the angry guy realized I was a human, not just something in his way, he'd get it a bit. There wasn't any reason for our exchange. Frankly, it totally ruined my ride. My guess is it didn't make his day either. I am happy to be alive.

I would like to think that when angry man calms down he'll say, " you know hitting that guy would totally ruin my life." or maybe that when he tells the story of our exchange, his audience might say "you know if you killed a cyclist, it would ruin your life..."  But I also know that's probably a pipe dream. I just hope I didn't make things worse for the next cyclist this guy sees on the road.

Hindsight is 20/20, why didn't I pull out my phone and get a picture, or memorize his licence plate, other than being a historic Caddy from Maryland, and the driver being large and missing a few teeth...

Fuck, here's an idea, what if he had just given me some space or passed me legally?

be safe out there folks, be safe.

respect
fatmarc.

title reference here.

Stoudt's Summerfest 2013-

Dear Reader,

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I am a complicated creature, a fine mix of debonair and adrenaline. I often wake up and realize that it is a perfect day outside, and spend it on my couch feeling guilty. I am a mudder.  my mother, she was a mudder. My father he was a mudder too.

see I told you.

Go to your calendar, and circle the dates of July 12/13 2014, or thereabouts. Stoudt's Summerfest is an event not to be missed. SUCH A GOOD DAY.  Now I'll say the course was a little on the short side, and a second hose at the bike wash would have gone a long way,  but that said it was the most fun 1.5 miles you could squeeze into a lap. The fact that the course was a little muddy, added another layer of awesomeness to the event for me. Congrats to the entire JB Bikes Team for an outstanding and wicked fun event.

Buddy the keg breaker and I competed in the 2 person class of the 4 hour relay. After it was all said and done we finished up 2nd- 3 minutes or so out of first. I have to be honest, I am really stoked. I'm known for doing a little "Google Stalking" or "scouting" before a race. BTW Hey COLIN What's a brother gotta do to get some "mountainbikeresults.com" going? But I digress, know the field, know the course. I pride myself in preparing for these events.

On paper, I thought we'd battle for 5th or so. That said I knew with 16 teams, there would be some super tight and fast racing. I love this style of racing, and frankly for the first 2 hours I could see the race leaders, just in front of us, and I could hear 4th and 5th breathing down our necks. I have said, and I know this to be true about myself, that I enjoy the fight, more than winning. Meaning, I love the battle, the scrape. The drive to win, isn't want keeps me in this game. Not saying I don't like to win once in a while, but damn the fight is what I love. Today there was tons of fast, tight back and forth racing. It was awesome, I left the Stoudt's brewery with a belly full of pulled pork, a six pack in my cooler and a smile on my face. Here's a couple of quick additional thoughts..

Congrats to Travis and Scott for a hard fought win today.
 Congrats to Webster and Curtis for landing on the box and some super tight racing...

- Usually when Buddy and I race together, I'm generally the starter. It goes back a long ways, but we have these rules about team events and batting order... When we were pre-riding I saw that Buddy, who doesn't share my affinity for mud, was cleaning sections much better than I was. He's technically a stronger rider than I am, and it showed today. 10 minutes to the start, we called an audible, as the run was short, Buddy also doesn't share my affinity for running, and Buddy agreed to start. Here's a quick video of the racers coming down the hill after the run.

Buddy finished up the lap in third overall and was able to help launch us into a great ride today. He crushed that first lap, and frankly set a tone for our team for the day. It was rad.

-This is my C3: Twenty 20 Cycling Company teammate  Glen "the Nature Boy" Turner. He raced on a 4 man team today called the 4 horsemen.(along with Derek, Keith and Mark)

Pretty clear to me who the better Nature Boy is...

The end of month uniform violation fees that come from our director can be steep. That said being that Glen raced in hot pants and a feather boa all day will probably result in amnesty. The fact that his team (along with Derek, Keith and Mark) passed a championship belt to each other on each transition, and threw down smoking fast laps will certain garner a uniform violation fine waiver. These guys were turning the fastest laps all day. Congrats for the  well deserved win in the 4 man class.

Pricey was teamed with Dennisbike on the day, and one of the favorites in our class. Chris had a bike "modification" about half way through that hurt their chances. Geared to single speed...

Dennis tapped out 7 laps in a row, while Pricey tried to get his bike functional again..

Weaver Cycles Team Represented today... (4th)

James and I have been racing together for a LONG time...

The People Primarily responsible for me not being able to walk up stairs- heck walk at all today.

Philly Ciclisimo Compound. Like Pryor needed amplification!

- This is Didi Deluxe of Didi Deluxe and the Dirt Devils.

Wonder if we could lure Didi down to Granogue next year for our podium ceremonies?

The band played after the awards. I only caught one song, but did listen in to them on the You Tubes. They kick ass. She was pretty much the best unintentional podium woman EVER. As I was getting off the podium and they were getting ready to go on, she says to me, "why are you the only one still wearing your gear? I liked seeing all you guys in your spandex!" I laughed and told her that we kicked ass all day, and now it was their turn. She smiled and said they would. She was super cool.

It was a long day, but a great one. I'm stoked as I felt as good on the bike today as I have all year. I know that Buddy and I were well prepared, and left everything we had out on the hillside of the Stoudt's Brewery. So Stoked right now...

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

Yup, he got me again...

Dear Readers,

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I go out at night eatin' cars. I eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too, Mercury and Subarus. And I don't stop, I keep on eatin' cars. Yeah, I went there.

So Potter got me again.
I had a quick ride on the calendar for last night. An hour, a few fun little intervals, and call it a night before heading out to half priced nachos.

I kitted up, and Potter came in the house from doing his business. I said to Potter, "Potter, I'm going out for a quick hour can you be trusted?" he barked back to me. I took that to mean, "hell, yeah I'll be good."

"Dude, you can TOTAL TRUST ME !"

Sadly, I need to polish up on my Lab, because clearly he said, "Fuck yeah America, leave me out and I'm gonna trash the place."

Because that's what he did. Ouch.

Diane, who was swimming, and I got home at the same time walked in and found a kitchen chair knocked over, a title nine catalog shredded on the floor, and the Y's swim schedule shredded too.

"you left him out?" Diane looked at me.
"he said he was going to be good." I replied coyly.
"Sucker." Diane said.

You can't trust a cute lab and timely bark.

Hey check this out...

Velo Amis is promoting the final race in the Trail Creek Outfitters Trail Running Series- Chasin' for Chalfin. They are offering both a 15k and a 5k runs. The course is pristine and again on private land and it will be an awesome event. More info here.

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

More Adventures with Rollers...

Dear Readers,

My name is Fatmarc. I once ate 68 hotdogs in 10 minutes. Just missed the world record. I also am currently 2/3 done with Grad School. How'd that happen?

Diane's knee is acting up again. She's been off the bike now for about 6 weeks. She's dealing with some tracking issues, and bad swelling. She's working with an awesome PT right now, and taking it patiently (as she can), and working to get back out on the bike. Total Bummer.

Diane can ride the rollers for very brief periods of time.

(old video- she can't go that hard yet...)

Today she was watching the tour while riding. She was getting caught up in the action, and at one point realized she was going harder than she should as the group neared the top of a mountain climb. She looked down quickly and realized she was on the edge of the rollers, and chugging along, almost flirting with disaster...

She got control of the situation,and mellowed out a bit. "I gotta be careful and not get caught up in this!" she said to herself.

She continued to spin, and watch the tour as the riders, flew down a mountain pass. Diane shrieks out again, as she realized she's starting to lean in and corners on the rollers as the riders on the TV corner. Once again, Diane narrowly avoided disaster on the rollers in the kitchen...

Diane finished up her spin, and I asked her how it went, to which she commented, "it went well, it was fun watching the tour, but I gotta say, I'm probably safer just listening to music..."

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon

My CONsorto !

Dear Readers,

My name is Fatmarc Vanderbacon. I used to play the Dad on a show called "Growing Pains" and like all Dads, I had to teach the kids about MONEY! I also enjoy coffee. In the morning I have a cup with sugar and cream, I take all subsequent cups black. You know like my soul.

Diane wanted to be close enough to the fireworks to touch them.
Yes, that is security blocking ..

Inspired by the Sam and Elk's game night, but too destroyed to make the trek to Philly, Diane and I had a few folks over who are completely not competitive playing a couple of hands of Death UNO. What could possibly go wrong?

There were a few pops drank, and some great smack talk. It was fun. I was in bed by 10. And snoring... And drooling because I haven't been having any pops lately, and I had a FEW.

The plan the next morning was to do the angry man ride, which thanks to CZ ruling with an iron fist is now 75% less angry. The folks that were in the chase group last week, all came early and rolled out like one big cohesive group. Now either because it was hot, or folks  feared getting the CZ beat down everyone was kind and the group stayed together. I'll admit, I was glad everyone was playing nicely, because I was a little hung over. It was hot, and my sweat smelled like high life. Not good. By Avondale I realized two things:

 1. My hangover had sweat off, but I still had a headache
 2. The damage was done, and I'd be riding a shorter loop on this day...

Thank you fellow riders of the Chester County Ride. Thank you for a less angry, angry man's ride. And thank you Mike CZ for ruling with an Iron Fist.

BUT I digress.. This Blog is called MY CONsorto!

CONsorto was also one of the attendees of the Death UNO match, and as he wasn't in the parking lot, I was surprised. I figured maybe he was sleeping in... Death UNO can be tough on a kid.  All good.

Buddy and I found CONsorto

So after it was clear I was smelling like a brewery, and not suited for bike riding today, Buddy the leg breaker was kind enough to peel off with me and ride me in from route 41...

Buddy asked," So no Consorto this morning?"

I joke, "Death UNO can be mentally exhausting. bummer I like riding with him."

Not five freaking minutes later a large, maybe 40 person group from the West Chester Cycling Club came past us, and who was in the middle of the group?

"CONSORTO!!!" Buddy and I yelled!

CONsorto replied casually, "Oh, Hey  Guys !"

we slowed a bit, and CONsorto peeled off of West Chest Cycling Club ride and joined us. The three of us made our way back to Papermill Park and called it a day...

I saw a lot of Metal today out on the road.

Much like Elvis, CONsorto is everywhere.

thanks for reading.

respect
Fatmarc

Scuba Gear Required...

Dear Reader,

My name is fatmarc vanderbacon. I have written a trilogy of books about vampires who don't want to hurt humans, but rather date them. These 100+ year old vampires find 17 years old intellectually stimulating and lock in on them. It's totally not creepy.  I also know we live in a world of grays, but cheating is cheating. I don't care if everyone else was doing it too. It seems like this time of year I have to say that more than normal. Do you cheat at your job?

Out on a bike ride with Dennisbike, Buddy the leg breaker, Travis, and CONsorto.  CONsorto did the Brownstown race on Saturday.

Fat-Me : "How did the race go?"

CONsorto:  "It was fun, but my belly went south at the end."

Fat-Me: "Drink too much at L-web's?"

CONsorto: "no, not at all"

Buddy the Kegbreaker: "Oh, so you didn't drink enough.."

CONsorto: "no, wait.. I..."

a rare speechless CONsorto moment...

It was a good ride Sunday. Humid enough that I think I needed an oxygen tank but fun. I suffered a lot, and spent the bulk of the ride starring at Dennis's rear wheel. I might owe him rent for using his rear wheel... I also admired the touch of gray developing in Travis's beard. Looks good...

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon