Chapter 34: “that’s a little excessive…”

Sneered the woman as she walked by the Mighty Spot Brand/Twin Six team compound during this weekend’s 18 hours on the Farm in Richmond, Virginia. However, we learned a long time ago that success in these events is often as much dependent on the support system you have, as the line up of riders. So, where our campsite, quickly nicknamed “the Denver International Airport” may have seen a little expansive, it was in fact key to our success this weekend.

The site manned by an outstanding team of friends and family:
Wes the conqueror, Tommy Mc, Lisa V, FFAmy, Chunky Monkey, and Fitzy, were are great support and could have had their own sick team for the race, if they weren't supporting us. I should also note here that “the Denver International Airport” would have never happened without the selflessness of another teammate, Matt (run forest) who was home injured with that leg-gina. Matt was generous enough to allow us to use his truck to pull the trailer that made the race key. Thanks man.

In the end, the race went spectacularly well. All week I had a sick fear that somehow, some fatal flaw, would come back to haunts us, that somewhere I was missing a detail, or I don’t know, really, none of that mattered. We had a flawless race, no real issues, just lots of fast, smooth racing. The line up of Les (international man of mystery), fatmarc, Buddy the leg breaker, and Spot Paul rolled to victory in the expert/pro 4 man class, in the process taking the overall event, with 23 laps around the 9.3 mile loop.



The race went like this:
Rotation one we have a 4 minute lead.
Rotation two we have a 7 minute lead.
Rotation three we have a 17 minute lead.
Rotation four we have a 35 minute lead.
Rotation five we have a lap in hand.
Rotation six we get damn close to a second lap.

The venue, the course was among my all time favorites, fast flowing tight single track, with lots of undulating trail, a course that paid dividends to strong bike handling, momentum junkies, and riders who had good flow. Single Speeders had an evolutionary advantage off the bat. The climbs were steady and loaded at the end of the race, with none being what I would call long. Our team was super consistent, as no one had more than a 5 minute variance through all of their laps. That was really impressive, and frankly that consistency lead to our victory. Fastest laps for the team went like this: Les 41, Marc, 44, Buddy 47, Paul 48. The course was so much fun, that even during the last rotation, when we could have let up a bit; it was just too much fun to get off the gas.

Short lap times meant little time for rest, and I don’t think anyone really got any sleep during the event. Hell, in planning this out, when I told Tom the loop was 9.3 miles, he said, “cool, a longer lap” that didn’t quite work out. Spot Paul rode awesomely this weekend, and had so much energy around the site, he kept us all energized. Every time Paul would come back to the compound he was exclaim, “who rocks the house? The Mighty Spot Brand Twin Six rocks the house” All I could come up with was “my ass hurts” other things heard relatively consistently were, “ass master” “camel toe” “queef” and “you better eat now.” As could be imagined with this group, there was a lot of good jokes, a lot of tom foolery, in short a ton of fun. Diane and Amy are trying out for the Olympics for water ballet too.

The promoters were excellent, from the lady in the transition area with rubber gloves taking your baton bracelet and sliding it on the next team member, to the pool that racers could swim in, to the space shuttle you could drive, to the showers at what Fitzy called Camp Poonanny, because lots of hot chicks were camped in that area. Cycles Ed put on an outstanding event, at an incredible venue. Outstanding event, one that we were already talking about next year for…

Props to Joey and Conrad of team arsenal who did I think 21 laps as a duo, these guys bring some super nasty stuff to the table for sure.

Thanks again to my tremendous teammates, and friends all of their efforts. Thanks to all of our sponsors who help make this possible as well. (Spot Brand, Twin Six, Henry’s Bikes, Howard at Bike line, and Wissahickon Cyclery)

Now, does anyone have any recommendations for chapped ass? Mine is really bad.
respect
fm

Chapter 16: Sometimes when I am in Pain I drink heavily.

So last night I did my last hard ride before my final mountain bike race of the year. The 18 hours on the farm. After work I scurried my way out to white clay and immediately drilled it trying to catch up with my friends, who were starting from the other end of the park. The trails were superhero good last night, traction was ridiculous good. I carved my bike the through the corners, trying to see how long and how fast I could go without touching my brakes. It was marvelous; I was flowing as well as I ever have in 12 years of riding. This is encouraging.

Finally I caught the group, who has been in a photo shoot for the News Journal. The News Journal was looking to do a story on alternative ways of exercising. The reporter asked the question, “So do you do any intervals?” Todd wily responds, “Well, I leave the parking lot and drill it, my HR goes to 185, and I pretty much keep it there for 2 hours.” The reporter wanted to know if he used any supplements, to which Todd responded, “ beer tastes good after a hard ride, and not that Michelob Ultra stuff either…” The crowd laughed. The reporter came to get a story about alternative ways to get fit, what he got was a look into the sub-culture that is our riding group. “Yeah, we are all pretty fit, but that’s really a bi-product of us having a great time flying around the park, pushing each other, having fun and talking smack.” Todd pimped the site saying you can get a good look at our culture by checking out fatmarc.com. Todd rules. FUCK! Sometimes it staggers me to think how many guys in this area got fast just trying to keep up with the dude. I don’t know how fast I am but I count myself as a disciple of Todd’s. All Hail EL PRESIDENTE ! A photo shoot ensued. I’m kinda interested to see how the whole thing turns out. I have had my share of photo shoots the past year, I purposely showed up a little late to miss that show.

A dilemma: I have 2 mountain bikes, the Gay UPS Truck and Meanie Greenie. In theory they are set up exactly the same. However, each bike tends to have it’s own personality, a different feel, despite, being set up pretty much identically. My quandary is this: I use Meanie Greenie for endurance races, anything longer than 3 hours or so. The Gay UPS Truck is for shorter efforts. My last 6 hour race, I used meanie greenie, it performed excellently. Now, since that race I have been riding the Gay UPS Truck, and I feel really good on it, my timing has been great, bike feels wonderful. My question is this, do I go against my usual routine and ride the Gay UPS truck in this weekend’s endurance race because it feels so good, or do I stick to my guns, and roll out meanie greenie for this my final mountain bike race of the year? What’s your call Green or Pink ?

I find that when life seems really hard, and the negative fuckers of the world start to get you down the thought of a home grown lime, and a couple of High Lifes in the fridge helps me get through the day.

Respect
Fm

Chapter 27: The Bloody Limb

A mighty group of riders grouped up at the end of my driveway as we headed out to meander about the flowing trails of Fairhill this morning. A 3-4 hour tour was on the docket. The group contained the following test pilots:

Buddy the leg breaker; Todd el presidente; Jay Jay; K-Man ; Les ( international man of mystery) ; Matt (run forest); Keith (bobby’s boy) (in town from Dillsburgh); Amazin’Andrew; Kurtee; and of course me, fatmarc.

The ride was flowing along very swimmingly. I had been dreaming about piecing together a series of loops that would ebb and flow from bank to bank of the Big Elk River. I was going to call it my George Washington loop for setting a record number of river crossings. Amazin’ Andrew was sporting the latest in Imperial Storm Trooper Gear.

Roughly half way through our amazing journey, we cross the fairgrounds and dove back into the trail. Matt (run forest) made one of his world famous asshole attacks, sprinting off of the front of the group. We are all familiar with Matt’s attacks and as such let him go. As the track formed a fork, Matt selected the left side. This of course was not the plan that I had. The group sans Matt headed up the right side knowing all too well, Matt would be joining us shortly.

Then off in the distance we heard a screaming. Then again, as if someone was being murdered. We spun around to see Matt in the trail, maybe 500 yards behind us. Matt was screaming, and began jumping up and down, trying to get our attention.

I commented to Amazin’ “Matt must have hit a bee’s nest” as we watch Matt flail around violently. Then Matt drops to the ground. Andrew comments, “he must be allergic” as we all sprint across the field to Matt.

When we reach him matt murmurs something like, “I fucked up…” Todd (el presidente)
Looks down at Matt’s leg and screams, “OH MY GOD! I’M OUT OF HERE TO GET AN AMBULANCE” Todd raced off to the fairgrounds. Matt, while turning around slipped off of his pedal and drug his calf straight down his big ring, creating a huge gash of flesh and muscle in his leg. Les, volunteers to ride back to my place to get a car, and his wife (who was riding with diane), and is a doctor.

The rest of us helped Matt out of the sun and into the shade and began to bust on him for riding his geared bike, for screaming like a girl, and for generally being Matt. He knows we love him. K-man, god bless him, held the two halves of the wound together.

Les showed up with the toaster, but alas Kathleen and Diane were still out riding. Luckily, there was a horse event at Fairhill today and an EMT was on staff. The arrived quickly, and began to get Matt together and loaded off for the hospital. All the time, incredibly, the cut really wasn’t bleeding much at all. And Matt displayed incredible pain tolerance as he calmly cracked jokes, and assured us that he was okay. I told him I wouldn’t put this on the blog, Matt retorted, “ why? This was great material. Where was my journalistic integrity?” Laughter followed again.

As the EMT lifted Matt into the ambulance, Buddy reminded him to be sure to get a sponge bath from a hot nurse. The EMT’s seemed to enjoy our jovial attitude and commented that Matt was a little guy and lifting him was really easy. He commented, “I’m much more used to having to lift some 400lb dude whose ankle is broken because it can’t support his weight.” We all laughed with that.

Todd, like all of us was a little green at the gills from our trip to the blood and guts channel. Todd so much so that he blew out his shorts. Back at the house we grouped up and quickly killed a sixer of magic hat, and a sixer of high life shaking off the scarring image of Matt’s bloody limb. This is where the term leg-gina got thrown out.

At the Hospital afterwards, Matt was still in great spirits. Wife Amy, and Step Father Charlie flanked him as the doctors finished wrapping him up. He was very lucky in that a cm the other direction and matt would have hit a vein, that would have been a very bloody mess. Additionally, just a bit lower and Matt would have hit the Achilles tendon which would be
another mess. In the end, Matt had just 24 stitches, 10 internal, 14 external, which was way lower than the guess we had which were closer to
the 40-50 range. He got some cool crutches, and a splint to support his foot. Probably out of action for a few weeks.

On the way to the hospital Diane and I stopped at Taco Bell, I got Matt a couple of Tacos, but Diane wouldn’t let me take them into him, She said, “you can’t take taco bell into an emergency room!” Matt is home resting now, we are all grateful his is safe, also grateful that we had such a good group, such level headed group and were able to get him out of the woods quickly. Mountain biking is an inherently dangerous activity; we all do it so much sometimes we forget this, and as Les, international man of mystery said, it’s when you least expect it that something weird happens.

respect
fm

I heart thursdays.

My grandmother in law made us a wicked good zucchini bread this week. Man I dig me some zucchini bread, especially with a thick layer of butter, or margin or whatever your spread of choice is. MMMM good. My own mother used to make a fine zucchini bread herself, but it’s been a long time since I have enjoyed one. I wonder if I could bake one up. Hey mom, all I want for christmas is some fine zucchini bread.

I have a new zit on my forehead. His name is Larry. I knew Larry was going to show up. How did I know this you ask? Well, simply every time I wear my black helmet, Larry or one of his brothers, sisters, or cousins shows up. Hell, last night I didn’t even finish my ride, and I felt ole Larry arrive. Larry and I we did a little wrestling in the shower this morning, and I’m hopeful he is making a quick exit; Not that Larry isn’t nice, and hell that story he told me about his trip to Mexico was hilarious, however, my shoulders are barely strong enough to carry the weight of my own head, much less a second one named Larry. Oh, the ½ priced nachos were a tasty treat last night.

I went over to Iron Hill tonight rode with a tough group: Biddle (the ty domi of cross); green trek john; nature boy Matt V; Kid Chris; dennisbike; and Chris Y from action wheels. It was a nice pace. Biddle has put together a great race loop. Dennisbike, who I believe has probably riden more miles at Ironhill than anyone on the planet, had the killer flow going. I swear he knows every rock in the park. That was rad.

I felt kinda bad still, I really haven't slept well this week, I am not recovered. the group was kind and didn't leave me for dead. Ironhill has really become kinda delapidated with Middlerun and Fairhill being local hot spots now. That's sad. But I guess that's also evolution.

Diane made some blazing house burgers tonight complete with chopped peppers and onions. I ate mine with a little munster cheese, and just a splash of BBQ sause. It was devine. Larry asked for a bite of my burger, but I told him to go to hell.

respect
fm

more ducks in clothes...

I love this picture of Buddy and Matt. They are great teammates, I am lucky to have them around.

another wardrobe change for our favorite ducks, that I pass on the way to work each day. This might be my favorite outfit yet.

stopped down Deer Park for the 1/2 priced Nachos today. They were delightful, had great company with Diane, Kathleen and Jaime. Body still feels somewhat beat up from the weekend but much better than the past 2 days. Monday went for a ride and I couldn't sit down because my ass hurt so bad. Commuted by bike today, took the long way around Oxford, the direct route just has too much rush hour traffic. Really enjoyed the path in. Helped me spin the legs out nicely. My ass didn't hurt so much.

respect

fm

A Pretty Damn Good Day...

I sit on my couch with Diane and we enjoy the fruit of our lime tree. I mean if you grow limes you have to have some corona to go with them. I have it on authority from the international man of mystery that high life is quite nice with limes too. Diane and I are playing one of our favorite games, yatzee. I’m a new yatzee player and am totally stoked when I rolled my first yatzee ever, and then in the next game, second roll, I nailed down another yatzee! Holy cow what a great day! For the record my scores for those games were all time highs for me 302 and 285 respectively.

So I did the Susquehanna 6 hour race today. It was hard. It went well for me, I was pleased with my ride. Here’s the story:

Lap 1
The Spot Brand/Twin Six train of death takes off after Rob Lictenwaler who is just flying. Spot Paul jumps on his wheel. The first section of the course has three short steep climbs. I will grow to hate them before the end. Matt (run forest) is leading a group containing me, Buddy the leg breaker, Gentle Ben Yoder, Matt (run forest) and dude in yellow and blue, and dude in white and blue. Buddy has a mechanical and is out of the group fixing it. We finish the first section and start the long field climb. Yellow and blue dude attacks hard and gaps the group. I say, “if he can go that hard all day, god bless. My bet is he’ll come back.” Matt sets a tough pace at the front, when the field opens up he pulls over to the side. Ben and I pull through.

Lap 2-4
Dude and blue and white attacks Ben and I on the climb. Quickly catch him on the downhill. I comment to Ben that he is vulnerable on the down, and we need to ply that. Next lap is a series of these downhill attacks. Ben and I swap out leading. I make a mental note; Ben is a far better decender than I am. End of lap 2 Ben pulls into his pit to reload. I keep going. I ride by myself for the 3rd lap. At the end of the third lap, I see yellow and blue dude and say to myself, “I thought he’d come back.” I pass him on the final climb of the lap, and open a gap on downhill to the finish. In the first section, he counters and attacks really hard; he’s out of the saddle throwing down. I think to myself, it’s way too early for that kind of attack. This dude, is strong, but it’s really early. In the field climb, I pass him, and open a gap. I don’t see him again. I’m a little worried about the pace of the race. Matt did 7 laps last year, it’s 2:36 into the race, I’ve finished 4 laps.

Lap 5-6
Race Rolls on smoothly. Feel good, keeping good tempo. Final climb of lap 5 I feel the twinge of a cramp. That’s bad. I go through the pit change camelbacks, Diane (chunky monkey) makes me eat some fig newtons, and I suck down half a coke. Lap six is my worst, I suffer badly cramping a lot on the open sections I try to massage my legs where they are cramping I drink as much water as I can stomach. Cramps keep coming, I start to punch my legs. This seems to help. I come through the start finish, and grab some e-caps from the food bin. Diane hands me another coke. The experts are ripping down the final hill as I climb up. Kyle calls me “mr. fats” lots of fatmarc cheers, that rules. Usually I would respond, but I’m so fried, I have a hard time muttering words on this climb.

Lap 7-8
I feel a little better, but anytime I have to grunt it out I feel the cramps set in. The first section is very hard from me, and I’m pushing the bike more than I have been. I catch Spot Paul in the first section and we ride together. Heading up the long field climb, he jumps in front of me. He is setting tempo, and orders me to ride his wheel up the climb. I’m hurting but get over this section quickly. Spot Paul leads me out into the single track and lets me rip. Have I mentioned that my teammates rule? I finish lap 8 with 1:10 to go. I smile at Diane and say, hey what are the chances I can do a 1:10 and still make the podium. She says, you know you’re gonna have to do a 9th. I take a swig of coke and reply, “I know” and I pedal off.

Lap 9
Coke the real thing. Amazing that this late in an endurance event and I want to drink is something that can clean the corrosion off your battery cables. Whatever. Rob Lichtwaler has lapped me. He rides with me, and tells me how great I am doing, and he’s totally stoked I’m on a single, here this guy is winning by, oh I don’t know 6 miles, and he wants to tell me how great I’m doing. I muscle up a step climb and he cheers me on. CLASS ACT. I admit I’m a hedgehog fan. I finally make it out of the first steep section and near the top of the field climb. My legs are cramping as badly as they have all day. I look back, hoping to see what I have seen the past 2 laps, open field.

Instead I see Big Ben, and he’s charging. I have had 2nd place since the 4th lap, and here, Ben is looking to steal this from me. Adrenaline shoots through my body; I stand up and attack the top of the field climb. I attack the rocky downhill as fast as I have all day. Earlier in the day, I felt I climbed the field better than Ben, but he clearly had the edge on the final 2 climbs, as he is way more powerful than I am. I tell myself If I can get over these two final climbs before him, I can hold him off. I start up the first one, pass Nicole Sheets. She’s in pink. Sweet, Maybe Ben will chase her down and expend too much energy too early. I make the final climb, long and rocky lots of water bars. I make it to the corner where I have dismounted each lap and start running with my bike. I hear Ben, I swear I can. I see orange and blue ghosts around the corner. I make the top, do my best cross remount and start pedaling; my legs feel like bricks, one more little rise until the downhill. My legs are cramping so bad I want to cry, I punch them, and drive up the final rise, I’m out of my saddle, my arms are cramping. I want this second place so bad. I crest the top, and scared for life, heartrate maxed, I look back. Ben is not there. I rip the final down hill until I make the final twisty section. I shut her down, I got this. I zip up the jersey and cross the finish line, so euro. The scorers congratulate me on a great ride, I tell them I think I’m gonna shit myself, which was a real fear. Less than a minute later, a hard charging Gentle Ben rolls in. He crosses the line and we hug each other. I told him he was lucky he was over 200lbs and could kick my ass, because I could punch him in the face for making me suffer so much during the last lap.

In the end, I finished in 2nd place, completed 9 laps for 54 miles in 6 hours and 22 minutes. Not too shabby for just some dude from Newark.

EPILOGUE

First, I was really proud of my team. We worked together, and everyone rode super well.
Buddy, Matt and Paul each completed 7 laps and came in somewhere in the top 15, results aren’t totally up. The story of the day was Amazin’ Andrew, who continues to gain form, and get stronger each week, working his ass off. 7th place today. Proudly, last night at dinner I called that shot, saying Andrew is riding so well, he’ll be top ten in the ss class. Mind you, Andrew is 55, and has been training for just 2 months after returning from a 2 month work trip to the artic circle. Freakin’ Amazing. Also props to as Matt (run forest) said our kinda step-teammate Jason (bikeman.com/twinsix) for another super strong effort, and another last second ditch effort to ensure he gets out for one more lap. Jason finished 9 laps today, and in I believe 6th place.
This should get him 2nd for the series I think. Very well done.

Secondly, mad props Ben Yoder. Know how much respect I have for you, and how strongly you are riding. Ben was one of the guys I wanted for the team, but the weekend I planned to talk to him, he showed up with a brand new seven ti single speed. What did I have to offer him? Anyway, I digress, Ben is a super dude, and I knew all day, that he was coming for me. He traditionally gets stronger and stronger as the season progresses, and is so damn dangerous this time of year. Thanks for making me work for this. Great stuff.

Next, I have been very critical of Brian and Anne Hess, and Jay O, for the MASS’s lack of having an elite single speed class. I still think it’s pretty ridiculous there’s a SUPER SPORT Class that has 4 dudes each week, and for this the elite single speed class was eliminated? I further mention, I know many of the promoters, who bust their asses to put on races, don’t want to pay out the elite ss class, Blah, Blah, Blah I don’t want to beat that dead horse, I have also been critical of the races the series promoters put on, as frankly they are generally the weakest in the series. Let me say this, Brian, Anne, Jay, all of the folks did an excellent job today, course was well marked, was a great course, and everything from my perspective flowed very well. Thank you for your hard work, even if there isn’t an elite single speed class. You should be super proud of how the race went down.

Finally, what gives ELK? you offer me a fresh pretzel at the start of my final lap, and the entire time I say to myself, man that pretzel is gonna be good. I get to the finish, and you have taken off? No Pretzel? I was truly heart broken.

Thanks to Spot Brand and TwinSix for all of their support. Thanks to Henry's Bikes for taking care of me, thanks to Howard Brown from Bike Line in Newark for the feeds, adn Meinrod too. Thanks to chunky monkey too. I am eternally grateful for the support I get from my wife, my team, my community.

respect
fm

10 things I hate about Vegas...

11. Smokey ass casinos
10. It's a dry heat. (So is my oven, but I don't want to hang their either)
9. Incessant ringing, clinking, buzzing, of gambling machines
8. Everything is fake. Everyone is far more fabulous than you.
7. from the local morning news: "in our top story Jenna Jameson will only be in
one position from now on folks. That's right she'll be in town as she is enshrined in
Madame Tussaud's wax museum."
6. $20 taxi cab rides
5. Paul Mitchell Hair Convention next to shoe show. They really are more fabulous than you.
4. Stripper Retirement Program: Old Shagged out women with bleached out hair
and huge boobs down to their stomach now serve up over priced food at convention centers.
3. Mexican dudes on the corner handing out "strippers to your room" cards
2. Celine Dion.
1. Old Dudes all blinged out with hot young girls. First thought, wow that dude is
hangin' with his daughter that's cool. Then they start all their grab asa shit, then you say
damn trophy wife. Then reality hits, she's not a trophy wife, she's a hooker.

in this picture I am being dropped by the leg breaker and the monkey.

Wow, after a hard week of work, which included a quick stop in ole sin city, I am happy to be home. A couple pounds heavier, a little bit jet lagged, but damn happy to be home.
Friday evening, I caught up with Les (international man of mystery), Todd (el presidente), Buddy (the leg breaker), and Matt (run forest), and we went for a nice tour of Fairhill. Todd and Buddy went to the front and drilled it. After a week or so off the bike, that's the way to jump back into this for sure, we'll call this the canonball effect. All in all a very good ride.

Saturday Morning, I was sore from the previous evening's efforts, but we had a nice mellow ride over at White Clay. Diane (chunky monkey) joined us for a bit, and then did some Pete rose slides for fun. The rest of the group had Single Speed Dan, Amazin' Andrew, E-town, Buddy the leg breaker. We ran into Slick Rick late in the ride. There has been some confusion on the weekly ride list about possum hill versus the county lot in middle run. We'll get that all cleaned up soon.

more of me getting dropped.

Our Twinsix stuff came in this week; the whores have all been super stoked to get their stuff. The guys at twinsix took really good care of us, and are really a great company. Check out their stuff, it's super sweet, and I'm really excited to have their support.

So with my trip to Vegas this weeks question of the week email centered around a Vegas theme. Not surprising on the question of las vegas or las leave it; the leave it's had it 7-2; Also not surprising it was unanimous 13-0 Sinatra over Wayne Newton. Perhaps most scary was the number of people who knew all the word's to Kenny Rodger's the Gambler.

Well, tomorrow I head to Susquehanna for the 6 hour race, gonna find out if I'm well rested, or well over my head. Should be fun.

respect
fm

Work is hard.

work has been busy as hell. I haven't been riding, so instead here are some pictures of the ducks that I pass everyday on my way to work. The homeowner changes the ducks clothes each month. Funny as shit. Next month they'll be back in their Eagles green.

respect

fm