Set Back

Dear Readers,

I've had a bit of a set back in my recovery. To some extent both physical and mental. I've taken myself off the bike again, although I'm not 100% sure that's right...

let me explain...

Cycling and Racing have always been interlocked for me. As I have documented on the Cuter than James Franco Blog, my first mountain-bike ride was a race. I had struggled early on in this injury with decoupling racing and riding. I had gotten pretty comfortable with the idea that I wouldn't be racing this year. Frankly, I feel like I was able to work through that pretty well.

Physically, I had been improving. Following 6 weeks off the bike, I started with 3 weeks of very easy riding, graduating to 3 weeks of endurance paced riding.

The first week of endurance riding was joyous. I rode middle run for the first time marshaling and sweeping the Enoch Lee Run. I did an amazing group ride on the canal roads and lums. I racked up 6 hours that week. My best since January. Best of all- the knee felt great, I was losing a little more weight. I felt great. I was stoked, and hope was bountiful.

The second week of endurance riding, things went to shit. I did a ride that was my hardest climbing wise since January, but not crazy, and I rode at a reasonable pace. I kept myself in check. Before the ride my knee was a little achy, the night after the ride it had gone to shit. Bad feedback as my doctor called it-  I did too much. Maybe the barometric pressure set off my knee. Maybe I did too many steps. Fuck, I have no idea.  I hate trying to figure out what caused it to go to shit. So I took a couple days off. The knee was sore the entire time, and tried to ride again on Friday. Again, I could do the ride, no pain- but it wasn't right... It was still weird.. not normal... Same kinda of not normal all weekend, so I didn't ride. I did wallow in my own mire a bit. And after not drinking for a couple of months, I may have done a cannonball back into that pool. Not my best look.

So I pulled the plug again. Mentally, I still have hope, but I find myself in a bit of a quandry... I can ride but should I ride?  I don't really want to play a game of see how close to the line I can go with our causing negative feedback and a setback. I am gambling on just staying off and letting everything heal before I start again. I want to ride, I miss it, It's part of who I am, but I hoping I'm better off just staying off the bike all together and resting. I keep repeating my new mantra: RICE Rest, ICE, Compression and Elevation.  I want to walk around without a weird feeling knee. I want to be able to ride a bike and ride a bike, not soft pedal everything...

I recognize I haven't been the most pleasant guy to be around, because if nothing else, I'm not sure what the next steps are... I'm a pretty easy guy, I'm hard wired for goals. I like to think I'm pretty Gritty, and look for the long haul. It doesn't seem like I have a clear recovery path here. That's very frustrating. The million dollar ride has been my anchoring goal all spring- and frankly I think that's out now. I don't want to play lets push the line. I'm just staying of the bike for a bit. I'll admit that has me struggling a bit...

Look, I have an amazing wife, who has been a saint lately. great family and great friends. Perhaps at this time I am meant to be 180lb dude, who used to ride bikes. Who knows. I have been getting some of the honey dew list tackled.  I have a training seminar I've been looking forward to, it's half priced nacho night, and I have fully operational garage doors. So, I've got that going for me.

Strange days indeed...

And so, that's my world right now...

thanks for reading.

respect
vanderbacon