The original Trek was really, really good, and even the cartoon was badass and trippy. So was the original (three film, Han Shoots First) Star Wars franchise.
But a combination of sequels and bad movie director choices utterly destroyed both franchises.
I've seen walnut chests that were less wooden than the acting in Episodes 1-3. And what the fuck was Jar Jar Binks supposed to be? Racist comic relief? A Jamaican Spiritual Lizard Guide? There isn't enough mescaline inn the world to make Jar Jar make sense. How Samuel L. Jackson and Liam Neeson got suckered into that is beyond me. What, were they trying to let Morgan Freeman and Daniel Day Lewis see a little daylight? And don't forget how subsequent Star Trek efforts crapped on their own dinner plate. TNG was this goofball socialist technocratic third way utopian bullshit, where everything could be made right by warring alien races compromising away 50% of their core beliefs/habits/land, where the tea-drinkin' Captain had to delegate the job of punching and fucking new alien races into submission to a guy named for a turd, (Number 2), and Will Wheaton. Will fucking Wheaton? Are you shitting me?
Then you have the derivatives. Star Wars has all these ridiculous prequel cartoons where the stormtroopers are the good guys. What the fuck? Like we're supposed to believe they're good and fighting with the Jedi, then they go bad when ordered? C'mon guys, "I was just following orders" went out at Nuremburg.
Of course the derivative Star Trek stuff is just as bad. You have a Hogans Heroes / bad Christian eschatological theme going on with Trek DS9, and then you have... well, okay, Voyager is alright because Jeri Ryan runs around in a skinsuit for pretty much 140 episodes and shit, I just can't find it in my heart to criticize that. But on the average the derivatives are awful.
Then the most recent Star Trek movie makes an effort to salvage things.
Let's face it. Like a lot of people we knew in high school, both franchises once had something on the ball, but they've been living off the past for a long, long time.
Ps. Season 1 of Battlestar Galactica was better than anything produced after the original Trek series, and "episodes 4-6".
Ps. We shall never speak of ST, Enterprise. Nobody would ever send a spaceship out with somebody as hapless looking as Scot Bakula, Emo Captain From Hell, in charge. It was so implausible that the entire series failed. Even Jolene Blalock in a skinsuit was not enough to save that series. Though if they'd done a time travel episode with Voyager where she got in a nasty fight with Seven of Nine, I could be convinced otherwise.
2 comments:
Hey!
Let's be clear here.
The original Trek was really, really good, and even the cartoon was badass and trippy. So was the original (three film, Han Shoots First) Star Wars franchise.
But a combination of sequels and bad movie director choices utterly destroyed both franchises.
I've seen walnut chests that were less wooden than the acting in Episodes 1-3. And what the fuck was Jar Jar Binks supposed to be? Racist comic relief? A Jamaican Spiritual Lizard Guide? There isn't enough mescaline inn the world to make Jar Jar make sense. How Samuel L. Jackson and Liam Neeson got suckered into that is beyond me. What, were they trying to let Morgan Freeman and Daniel Day Lewis see a little daylight? And don't forget how subsequent Star Trek efforts crapped on their own dinner plate. TNG was this goofball socialist technocratic third way utopian bullshit, where everything could be made right by warring alien races compromising away 50% of their core beliefs/habits/land, where the tea-drinkin' Captain had to delegate the job of punching and fucking new alien races into submission to a guy named for a turd, (Number 2), and Will Wheaton. Will fucking Wheaton? Are you shitting me?
Then you have the derivatives. Star Wars has all these ridiculous prequel cartoons where the stormtroopers are the good guys. What the fuck? Like we're supposed to believe they're good and fighting with the Jedi, then they go bad when ordered? C'mon guys, "I was just following orders" went out at Nuremburg.
Of course the derivative Star Trek stuff is just as bad. You have a Hogans Heroes / bad Christian eschatological theme going on with Trek DS9, and then you have... well, okay, Voyager is alright because Jeri Ryan runs around in a skinsuit for pretty much 140 episodes and shit, I just can't find it in my heart to criticize that. But on the average the derivatives are awful.
Then the most recent Star Trek movie makes an effort to salvage things.
Let's face it. Like a lot of people we knew in high school, both franchises once had something on the ball, but they've been living off the past for a long, long time.
Ps. Season 1 of Battlestar Galactica was better than anything produced after the original Trek series, and "episodes 4-6".
Ps. We shall never speak of ST, Enterprise. Nobody would ever send a spaceship out with somebody as hapless looking as Scot Bakula, Emo Captain From Hell, in charge. It was so implausible that the entire series failed. Even Jolene Blalock in a skinsuit was not enough to save that series. Though if they'd done a time travel episode with Voyager where she got in a nasty fight with Seven of Nine, I could be convinced otherwise.
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