Saturday was pretty awful for me. Got a good start, but after a lap just felt like I couldn't keep it together. Truth is, I just didn't have it. I pulled into the pit, and said to Wes and Monkey, "my season is over, I just don't want to suffer anymore. I just can't do this like this..."
I walked over to the car. Put my bikes in the car, collecting my DNF and figured my season which started with great promise, was now over.
Now Jay and Jan had "crossmos" and I had lots of fun working in the pit with Diane, and cheering for our friends and teammates.
On the way home, I'll was wallowing in my own mire. I was totally bad. Diane was a saint listening to me complain and whine.
Saturday night, I was pretty much a lame ass.
I called Auer...
Fatmarc:" Kris, I think I'm done for the year. Ever since I got sick I have been shit man. I am racing horrible, I don't want to; can't seem to suffer right now. My head is so far up my ass, I'm just an embarrassment. I'm an embarrassment to our team, what I'm doing out there... I'm horrible"
Auer: "Listen man, we've all been where you are right now. I know you aren't riding at the level you and I and Mayhew all know you are capable of, but you know I don't want you to end your season this way..."
Fatmarc: "I have just been awful, I'm so disappointed..."
Auer: " as far as embarrassing the team, there is nothing you can do on the bike that would ever embarrass the team. I mean I could see you doing something off the bike, but it would probably be really funny, and frankly I wouldn't even care then..."
Fatmarc: " thanks man..."
Auer: " Marc, here's the deal, I just don't want your last race of 2009 to be a DNF, show up tomorrow kit up and just ride around, just finish the race, don't worry about a result. Show up, race your race, and if you tell me after that that the season is done, well, then you'll get no argument from me."
Fatmarc: "okay you have a deal buddy. But as awful as I am, It could be ugly"
Auer: "no worries, just finish. I'll see you in am."
Monkey and I were hosting Bret, Mayhew, and Steevo, which was pretty outstanding.
So we had a Fun group, lots of skateboard talk, lots of bike talk. Highlighted for me by:
1. Getting a haircut from Diane.
2. Me drinking More beers than I really needed
3. Tacos from Homegrown, outstanding
4. Followed up the four of us watching skateboard videos, with my mouth half opened in awe the entire time. (bob e. what ever you do, don't watch this clip)
Brent won a pie Saturday. It was really tasty... Thanks for sharing.
It was an awesome night.
Sunday I showed up, and was somewhat lackadaisical with my warm up, and preparation. In fact, I was proud of the heckling, and cheering we were doing. The master's 3/4 got some of our best stuff. It was awesome.
So my race was good. I kinda surprised myself. Didn't start too aggressively, moved up a few spots after the first lap, rode with Mealy for a bit, and finished up with my best ride in over a month, not just my result (14th), just the entire race. Wow, I really didn't expect that...
And so after having Mayhew say, "nice job today, way to sack up. lets talk about the this in the morning, and plan out the end of the season, I knew you had it in you buddy.."
" You had a good ride..." Auer says, " good job we'll miss you next week" And smiles at me.
Fucker.
Maybe I'm not totally done yet. Hope springs eternal...
thanks for reading.
thanks to gwadzilla for a couple of pictures.
thanks to Mayhew for keeping me cool.
thanks to Auer and Wes for talking me down.
thanks to Monkey for being my psychologist and hair stylist
thanks to Steevo, Mayhew and Bret for making Saturday night fun, I needed that.
thanks to my awesome teammates for the lawn darts kid's course set up and just being awesome.
thanks to Connair, Fred W, and Gary D for their wisdom, and good words.
I love cross.
See you at the races next week.
These are the cards I am dealt for the next two weeks. Gotta play it out...
respect.
fatmarc
6 comments:
Dude,
That was FUCKING AWESOME! That's exactly the kind of shit I'm talking about.
I'm not too old for that right? I can build a little something and still shred some?
What's it matter I've got a kid coming? The way it's kicking it probably wants to skate too.
F it. I think a might get a little rail together today at minimum.
Gotta start working on my kick-flips.
Glad to hear your Sunday was better. You need to keep that shit up and cut out the Saturday crap. Drink more beer.
How can more beer be bad for you?
Hmm. I've got some wood and I think a couple of pipes that will make for a nice double sided rail.
I'll have a broken wrist in no time.
I rolled down a hill and then crashed in the pit at Southampton. I then managed to lose to people I used to beat.
If you complain, you must sing your complaint. Preferably opera style. Turns wallowing from depressing to comical.
Now shut up and nut up. If you think I'm driving all the way to Reston and then am deprived of cheering for you, you've got another thing coming buster.
Gotta say I was feeling exactly the same after the last two races I did. Ready to pack it in. Its amazing how when you relax and just do your thing the way things can turn around. You looked good yesterday. Thanks for cheering me on.
Jonathan
Marc - I know where you are. I know how you feel. I'm glad you pushed through on Sunday. That's who you are. This past year and cross season has been the biggest roller coaster of my life, and so hard to not wallow in my own depression at times. I know you've had it rough too. The internal struggle between knowing where you should be, not being there, and wondering where's the fun in this.... that's a real kick in the ass. This past weekend I went out there and sucked, but I finished and I actually had fun doing it. I never thought I could say that, ever. Happy you're not quitting either.
It is all cyclical - - but you already know that. Glad you did not go out on a bad note though. And Di will ride with you in two days!
ever inspirational, faticus.
can I borrow a kit?
I'll show up sunday, too.
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