027: smackdown ride report

My new lust bike:
Sadly I have no need for this bike, I just think it is the coolest thing ever.

Let’s say I threw together a list of the 20 or so toughest guys in our community.

Wilson, Blair Blair, Disco, Jebalicious, Les the international man of mystery, Kaz, Collins, Jan, Lt. Dan, Wiser, Postal, Doyle Rules, Jay Jay, Markland, Johnny Williams, Kid Chris, Keg Breaker, Jedi Master Beckett, douche in show, Green Niner Cleary, Big Time Glen Turner, BL Rich, and CZ


The list was put together based on the slap factor. What that means is that on the rides I have showed up to during the year these are the guys who have slapped me around the most. Further, I should point out that I only do one group ride a week, so it’s very possible you are reading this and are angry that you aren’t on the list. If that’s the case please email me, and I’ll add you. Additionally, if you aren’t on the list and you happen to be on the one group ride I do a week, please don’t put in any extra effort to slap me around more than usual, I have a tough enough time on these rides. Just email me, and I’ll put you on. It’s just something I pulled off the top of my head, and is in no order at all. Also notice, I am not on said list. I am not mad at myself, or insulted. I promised myself I wouldn’t try to kill myself in order to make said list next time I ride. I also get that I am not one of the 20 strongest dudes in our town.

But I digress, The reason I made the list is this: the past two times I have done the ole Tuesday Night Smack down ride, there have been at least a 7-10 of the guys who made my list of fatmarc abusers. Factor in adopted son’s like Wes (the conqueror), John (millertime), or Bilson and it makes for an extra special brutal ride.

The Smackdown ride has 6 defined climbs. Hell, sometimes the sections between the hills are harder than the climbs themselves. It was a lot of fun last night as I made a habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. First after Cosart (climb #1) I found myself with a small group off the front sitting on Blair Blair’s wheel, with Wes pulling. At an intersection along the way, we were stoked to have Disco joined us from another route. Yeah, I was pretty much fucked.

Later in the ride it was the same scenario, I was just trying to hold a wheel next thing I know I’m in a little group with Wilson, Blair, and Wes. Unlike VISA, it’s everywhere I don’t want to be.

By far the highlight of the evening for me was finally getting over Mt. Faticus with the group for the first time this year. My name sake climb has been nothing short of a kick in the nuts for me this year. On top of the climb Wiser and I did a little high fiving, and the fatkid endzone dance. Shameful yes, but damn it felt good.

At the end of the night, I made 4/6 climbs with the group this week. I think I may have done better on the Way climb(#6) but I got a cramp in my calf and figured it was best to pull the plug. I also realize that I could do better if I sat in and rode more conservatively too. But fuck that, it’s a training ride, I’d rather turn myself inside out and get dropped on 2 climbs a week. Yeah, I’m lame, and that's the best excuse I got.

As the ramp up for cross continues, I would point out that both the group rides I have done the past 2 weeks, posted their highest average speeds for the year. I’d like to think that I was on the sharp end of those groups for most of the night, and help in some way, even if it was just talking shit, to contribute to those results. Regardless, good riding, good people, lots of silly, sick fun.

Respect
fm
"it's my dick, I pick."