168: tagged

Okay, I hate chain emails as much as the next guy, " pass this email on and you have good luck, stop the chain and you'll get a flat in the next race you do", but I was also the guy who for a year and a half sent out 10 random questions to a list of about 50 people every Friday. That was fun for a while, I admit I sometimes toy with the idea of starting that up again, but alas I have been tagged.

But I digress, Jim is a great guy and he tagged me, so I'm on like donkey kong:

If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be?
I'll be honest it would be my niner emd moutainbike. Here's my reasoning. If I wanted to race cross, I could put cross tires on it and do it, if I want to do some road riding, I could put road tires on it and make that work, If I wanted be single speed, I could make that happen too. I admit it wouldn't be the best tool for cross, or road, but it could be an all around bike.

Reading this blog you might think I'd say " my cross bikes", not the case.

If anyone ever tells you that a cross bike is the best all around bike, tell them if you had a glove you'd smack them. Then proceed to borrow some gloves from Wes, and smack them with the glove.

A cross bike is a pig on the road, and doesn't have the brakes, or the geometry for single track. If someone tells you that riding single track on a cross bike is fun, throw your drink on them and tell them they are liars. Dirty, rotten, fucking liars. Cross bikes are good for one thing, cross. They suck for anything else. That's why they are so cool, they are built for one thing- cross. My Forts don't even have holes for water bottles. Because you don't need them in cross. So fucking punk.

Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?

I don't get bike lust that badly, my bikes are all pretty pedestrian by most standards, but they fit my needs. I really like my bikes a lot, but I doubt anyone would call them dream bikes. I don't think I really have dream bikes. I break light stuff, I'm kind of a big guy. A TT bike is on the mind, and sweet road bike like a colanago or something would be cool, but kinda under utilized by a fellow like me. So I ride my basic stuff, and I'm happy about it.

If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?

probably some loop in fairhill, but that's really kinda of a stupid question. If I could only ride one route, I'd probably start skateboarding or take up lawn darts or something. The variety of riding is one of the things I love.

What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride to do for the rest of her / his life?

Maybe the Joker or some one sick like that. Seriously those questions change the entire game for me.

Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrow minded?

I ride both. Very early on in my start to this sport Andrew impressed upon me the importance of being a well rounded cyclist, not a roadie, not a mountain biker. I kinda pride myself in being able to show up to any ride in our area road or mountain and hang. Racing wise, I'll do some events on the mountain bike, road racing scares me too much. Way too many angry DC lawyers that want to put my punk ass in the ground. I also find folks that ride the road only are poor bike handlers. I've made a cross career out of beating guys stronger than me, who can't turn in the grass. Sorry but it's true.

Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent.

my contract with twinsix forbids me from practicing black magic and riding recumbent bikes. I think it's just another level of geekiness in this sport. If was so injured that the only way I could continue was to ride a recumbent, I might look at it. I might also take up shuffleboard.

Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss?

I swim like a brick. I run only when chased by someone holding a weapon. I don't know what dental floss is. I haven't brushed my teeth since I was six. I wear the same underpants I did when I was fourteen, only now they have more stretch marks. They are damn sexy.

Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why?

icecream- I could still do water ice, and I think I'm liking that better recently.

What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not?
Also, answer it.

Can you conceive cycling without racing?

no, racing keeps me pushing myself to be better each year and to learn. Without that impetus I might take up chia pet herding or start a sea monkey colony.

You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do?

I wrestle the bear to the ground and I bite his ear. He tells me his name is Teddy Ruxpin and he wants to be my friend. I kick him in the ass, show him my headlock and continue on my way.

Now to keep the chain rolling I think I have to "tag" people:

I'm going with the Queen of the Beaners, Ms. DeVious, Rock, Wes T. Conquorer, Rich B , Beth, Rotten and Buddy.

respect
faticus
"keeper of chain emails"