191: USGP

I started racing beginner mountain bike races in around 1991. Since that time, I have taken many a leak and a many a crap in "port o lets". There have been times when I have had to run from the car to "drop off the kids" in a "port o bowl". Let me say, I think I've done some of my best work in port o lets, - you know nervous stomach and all.

Over the years, I have been shocked at the devastation that goes on in these " portable johnnies." I mean, I never really understood that if there are only a couple of "honey pots" why some one would be such an ass to piss on the seat, or leave a steamer right there on the seat. I mean, if you have to go again, you basically just killed yourself.

Like all products, "johnny on the spot" technology has been greatly improved in recent years. Now it's not unusual to find "a can on the move"" with hand sanitizer, or even urinals. Hell, at the Ed Sander's Memorial the "honey pot" had a pump that would allow you to flush your work down. I have to say I wasn't a fan of this feature, I prefer to drop, wipe and run. Especially when you did what I did, which was drop I giant load, that takes like 20 pumps to get it to go down. Sorry to who ever was waiting in line behind me, but I figured you appreciate me getting that mess out of your way. After all I didn't want to be guy fouling the bowl.

But I digress. As I mentioned previously, I am always amazed that someone would totally foul a bowl, that everyone has to use, that everyone might have to use twice. Regardless, sure enough at almost every race it happens. I always assumed it was dudes trying to go "no hands" or they thought it was funny to piss all over the seat, or worse leave a package for other's to admire. Some kind of junior high poo joke taken a bit too far.

However, the recent advent of urinals in the "port o lets" leads me to another conclusion. It's not the dudes fouling the bowls it's the chicks.

you see dudes can pee into a urinal. When I was a kid, I was stoked the first time I got to use a urinal. OH, we might miss the bowl at home or get a dribble on the seat by mistake, but most of us can aim pretty good. Whizzing into a urinal is easy, dudes can control that. Hell, I'd bet most of us have spelled our names in the snow. (try spelling SZCZEPANSKI sometime, that dude must have mad skills)

But the chicks, have to sit on the damn thing, or as I believe they hover, or even worse climb themselves up on the wall and do some spider woman contortionist maneuver in there, and just blast away. They never really have a chance to hit the target, they just spray down everything they can. This was my revelation of the weekend. Chicks are the ones that fuck up the "johnny on the spots." Chicks man. Chicks.

Saturday was a really good ride, made the group early, then found myself out between groups with Woody. We took turns leading in the power sections, as we both knew that on our own we'd get gobbled up by the group behind us. Learning from my mistake last week, where Woody jumped me, and took the sprint from me, I attacked in the sand pit on the last lap, and got a gap that I was able to hold to the end. I heard Woody tried to bunny hop the flyover, and stacked it a bit, that helped me finish up 8th. I was pretty damn happy with that ride, you know being a USGP in all.

Sunday we were greeted with some nice rain to make the course slick. The promoters added in some sweet new corners, and it was on. I admit, quietly I was very confident, I like muddy, greasy days, I was really positive about my chances. Most of all I brought the right tires. Problem is they were in the toaster, not on my bike.

Oh well, life give you lemons, you make lemonade. I battled in, but found myself out on my own with a huge group chasing me with 2 to go. They caught me as I floundered in the corners on the backside. The sandpit, which I felt like I had wired 24hrs earlier, I just couldn't nail today. Last lap, I take my pit bike, with 5lbs less air than I was riding on my A bike. I could tell the difference. Problem is the large group that was stalking me, was now ahead of me after me doing too much slip and slide. But I was feeling good, and going strong. "chopping wood" as Richard Fries said today. No offence to the fellas just in front of me, but I was gonna take a couple of you down.

Once again cocky and rolling, I had just about made contact with the group, on the back twisty side, when I went too hot into the corner and totally yard saled it. Sliding under the tape, I realized the hunter, had just become the hunted. I stumbled up trying to get back on my bike. I looked up, and there was Brill. Look at that guy. He's freaking one of the most consistent guys in our class, and damn fast too. He smells blood and it's on. I don't think he ever gets tired. That dude is tough as nails, I pulled myself together, realizing I wasn't bringing anyone back, I had to fight off Brill. Which I did. Race ended, I finished 17th.

On paper, my worst result of the year. In my heart, I did my best, I felt pretty good out there, these where some the toughest fields I had raced against this year. I made some tactical errors, and my set up was off. So, I made lemonade. I had a fun ride, and got to do some slip and slide too. I love mud races.

You know, I consider myself a student of this sport. I get to the venue early, I ride multiple pre-laps to get the course dialed in. I play with my tire pressure and selection. In 14 races this year I think I nailed it 13 times. Today, not so much.

Jeremy Dunn, one of the best 2/3 riders on the east coast, finished in the group ahead of me, we cooled down a bit, and Dunn said to me, "we'll learn from today, and get better for next time..." That's why he is the man. That and a dead sexy beard.

yeah, that's the thing about this game, you just keep learning.

Hats off to the Mercer Cup promoters, I had very low expectations for the course, and for the event on the whole, but I'll admit the course was super both days, and everything really seemed to flow well. That venue was outstanding too.

thanks to all my C3-Sollay and Delaware Cyclocross Coalition of Delaware brothers and sisters for the pitting, and the support.

respect.

faticus

pictures taken from croth, and Dennisbike.com