episode 145: all you zombies in high places

For quite some time I have had an irrational fear of zombies. I have often been concerned that our government, who can't recognize global warming, is not preparing itself to protect it's citizens against a full blown zombie attack. I mean after Katrina, and how poorly that was handled, how the hell can we expect our government to protect us from an outbreak of flesh eating driven zombies.


Luckily for me, whilst taking some time off the bike I came across this book. It has been very informative and helped to clear up a number of basic questions I have always had about zombies, like how they come to exist (it's an incurable virus) and the difference between a voodoo zombie and a viral zombie. Also an important fact, zombies can not reason, learn or use tools. They are driven by an insatiable hunger to feed on live or recently killed humans. They do not tire, only decay as an uninfected corpse would. These facts will all be key in the event of a zombie out break.

much to my surprise the bicycle was rated as the highest quality vehicle in the event of a zombie out break and I quote:

"In a class by itself, the vehicle offers the best of both worlds. The common bicycle is fast, quiet, muscle powered and easy to maintain. Add to the the additional advantage that it is the only vehicle you can pick up and carry if the terrain gets too rough. People using bicycles to escape from zombie infested areas have almost always fared better then those on foot. For optimum performance, use a mountain bike, as opposed to the racing or recreational model. Don't let your speed and mobility go to your head however. Wear standard safety gear, choose caution over speed. The last thing you want is to end up in a ditch legs broken, bike trashed, with the shuffling of undead feet growing louder with each step."

Diane, Buddy and I did a nice tour of French Creek yesterday. Happy to report no zombies were detected. Last night Jamie, Amy, E-town, Rob, Diane, Meg and I went to Home Grown in Newark. Although Falafel seemed to be the choice of the night, I bucked the system and went with a Thai Chicken wrap. It was delicious. Again, although I saw a few Goth kids, no zombies were seen, although I was keeping a keen eye open for them.

Military bases are listed as outstanding safe havens during a zombie out break. This due to the large number of trained soldiers, supplies, and firepower. That makes me feel even better about the Spot Brand Twin Six team, Along with the rest of the Frank Zappa Kappa Crew heading to this race this weekend. I wonder what Kuhn is offering in terms of zombie protection?

In other non zombie news, after very tough deliberation, I have decided to leave the Fort Factory Team. I love Fort Frames and the opportunity to ride with such an incredibly talented and experienced team. Additionally, Gregg was incredibly kind and generous to me, the relationships I have made with members of arguably the mid Atlantic's best cross program ever, are very important to me, however at the end of the day, I decided that black was going to be far more slimming than purple and orange. As my results don't always impact a program, and I am not an elite rider, I believe that I will be much happier in this environment. I hope I can contribute to this very strong Charm City Cycling program. I also know for a fact that Nystrom, Morgan and Lisa V, are experts in counter zombie combat.

remember zombies can't climb, so in the event of attack in your 2 story home, tear down your stairs and make a fortress in the second story.

respect.

fm