episode 114: angst.

"It is easy to become enthusiastic and fall in love with this for six months or a year, to force yourself into the engine of pain for three years, five years, that's where people can separate themselves."

Today I had to do one of those things as a manager, that you never like to do. It was for the right reasons, and I know it was the right thing, people create their own path make their own decisions. But still, any manager worth their salt cares about their people, and although I have done this more times than I care to admit, and I know I will have to do it again in the future, it's never easy. The day it becomes easy, or I don't care, then it's time for me to stop managing people.

With that backdrop I showed up to what was dubbed "a kinder gentler hills from hell ride, or the hills from heck if you will" I should have fucking known better. Right out the gate Jan, destroyer of dreams, drills it, with Postal Dave in tow. I really should have fucking known better. It's the typical big dick contest right out the door.

Look in of itself, I really don't mind the big dick contest, just on March 14, I don't want to ride like that. Further let me throw this out there, I can't climb for shit, I'm fatmarc not fast climbing marc, but I am pretty smart, I know where and when to do what I can and it works out. So I'm already kinda grumpy, clearly out matched on this ride. Worst of all if a ride is advertised as "kinder and gentler" than damn I expect just a little civility.

So, I'm really grumpy and full of angst, then the ride where I hoped to climb crispy, is well a lot more sharp than I am. So we get on top of a 3 step climb that Postal Dave attacked his guts out on, and I say, "great kinder gentler ride..." Someone from the peanut gallery yelled out, " we are waiting aren't we!?"

Fuck you, Fuck you very much, it was on. I'm not the strongest dude, but I did everything I could to position myself near the front the rest of the ride and help drive the pace. I got dropped on the wall, because I always do, had a nice run at Jan broadrun, dangled on the back of that little goofy neighborhood, then attacked and got clear with Rob (NTNTAMFMB20) on Hopkins.

Matty D, who I have the utmost respect for checked on me to see if I was pissed, and so did Postal, and I said I wasn't even if the scowl on my face said I was. Tom (papa smurf) knew it, The truth is, that none of it really had anything to do with the ride at all. I'm self aware enough to know that.

Anyway as the ride wound up, Postal went to the front and started for the sprint line. I decided I wanted to win the sprint tonight, So I did.

Later, Spencer told me I sprinted to the wrong line, but you know, no one was there when I hit either line, so Fuck it, I won the sprint on the kinder gentler hills from hell ride.

Usually I pride myself in being pretty gracious to the guys I get the ride with, tonight not so much. Sorry for being a prick. I am after all, a bad, bad person.

Afterwards, I caught up with Diane (monkey) and FFAmy who went for a ride of their own. We went to deer park and had half priced nachos from deer park. They really helped easy my surliness. Nothing like melted and cheese on tortilla chips to make you smile.

respect.
fm