Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Pushing Buttons...

I have decided that training is way too hard so I have had easy buttons installed on each of my bikes. When the going gets tough, I'll just hit my easy button. All you suckers out there keep your training, I've got the easy button. This will surely give me a competitive edge on my rivals.

KuhnDoggy, who coincidently I hold in high regard, I think took a little shot at me on the MASS email list, which is pretty damn shy as far as lists go. It's like a prepubescent MAC list if you know what I mean. But, I digress Kuhndoggy's point was that I didn't offer any solutions when I just pointed out that Michaux and French Creek were scheduled on the same day. Without saying, "someone should move their date..."

I thought I was being respectful and the fact that I was pointing out that Michaux and French Creek were on the same day would be impetus enough to cause promoters to want to make a change. Many others made the point in not nearly as kind of a manner. I felt there was no need to point out the obvious. I guess I was wrong.

In the end French creek moved to Saturday of that weekend. I still feel both races will suffer, there I go again pointing out the obvious , two very tough, very good events on the same weekend are gonna draw from each other. Sad really.

KuhnDoggy would it better if I just said, " someone should move to another weekend?" I was banking on the fact that every intelligent person on the planet already knew that. I also understand the logistics of promoting a race, and accept it's likely not feasible at this time. I'm not lashing out in anger. I hold no grudge, no ill will. That's life, no sense crying over spilled milk, just hope next year the dates work out better.

What can I say, this isn't the first time that I have sent out an email that may have caused someone to say, "what a fucking jackass, I'm gonna kick his fat ass!" realistically, I doubt it's the last time it will be either. I'm okay with that. Sorry if I was the fly in your Vaseline. I didn't mean to be a dissenter, I actually thought I was helping. Kuhndoggy, I still love you, and have mad respect for you. You are one of our regions best racers, and have the some of the best events. You're also a pretty damn nice guy. I usually keep my email pimp hand strong but in this case, I'll just keep my steady stream of porn and singles websites coming to the MASS list. You know I love reading 20 thousand guys respond, "I thought this list was about mountain biking..." hey, does this ruin my chances of getting on Visit PA forever?

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Imagine if I could have gotten one of these buttons for my High School Girl friend. That would have been sweet. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, January 22, 2006


Some of the Spot Boys and I headed off for a tour of Wissahickon Saturday morning...

I have a cold. I really hate having a cold. Today(sunday) was the worst part I hope. I had no energy and basically planted myself on the couch and didn't move. Here were my options:

a. Ride with Matt (run forest, Fitzy, and buddy the leg breaker)
b. Ride with Todd el presidente, Jay , Kurtee, Alan the cleaner and Keith G (bobby's boy)
c. sit on the couch all day and complain that life sucks.

Yup, I chose option C. yeah, I'm weak. I have no energy, what the fuck. Just know I'm fat, slow, old, and lazy. You will probably kick my ass this year, if you didn't last year. Anyway, I did get an extra 6 hours of sleep today, and enjoyed Spider-Man 2 for the 10th time, and watched some football.
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Matt (run forest) was silky smooth through the toughest technical sections today...

Saturday we had a great ride as Wiss. The ride was a joke. No, not how poorly I rode, but we told jokes through out the day:

1. The blow job giving frog
2. the penguin that blew a seal
3. the hooker with her hands in her pants
4. the hooker with a runny nose

That that was the in addition to the normal shit talking that can happen with the guys I am incredibly fortunate to ride with. Spot Paul lead the loop, although Buddy the leg breaker and Matt (run forest) really kept the tempo up. The boys were riding really well. I appreciate them not leaving me for dead out there. My get up and go got up and went at about 2 hrs in and Spot Paul kindly rode up forbidden drive with me as we skipped the last section. Buddy and Matt ripped it as we all ended up at the cars at about the same time.
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Our Fearless leader- Spot Paul

Met Lee from Bike Therapy, who Michael and Jessica had spoken of, but I had never met; now I have. I think he's gonna bring a group down to Fair hill in a couple of weeks, and I'll lead a tour. That should be fun.

Also enjoyed reading reports from Amazin' Andrew in Texas, as he is working and getting some riding in down there. I am hoping he lets me post his report on the blog. Sounds like the warmth is good.

Hope everyone is getting in their base miles in. I did sit with a calendar and plan out my season today. I'll get started in a couple of weeks. I'll admit, I'm pretty hungry, and mentally feel ready to get back to a regular riding routine, once of course I kick this fucking cold. I'm going to start a little later on the professor's advise that will allow me to run my season longer, which is important in cross. professor's guidence had me ride well last year, I'm gonna stick with it for this year.

What ever, I know people are already tired of reading about people's base miles. Those long winter miles that make the season possible, just don't always produce the most interesting stories, except for the time that lady threw a dildo out of her car a poor Matt (run forest) just riding along.

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Thursday, January 19, 2006


5 place I like to eat:

1. Klondike Kate's
2. Homegrown cafe
3. Half Moon
4. Green Cricket cafe
5. La Tol Tecca

MTV has this show call made. Basically they take preppy kids and make them punk, and punk kids and make 'em prom queen. Whatever.

a year ago they had this prom queen who wanted to learn to ride bmx freestyle. I admit when i started watching it I was like, no way. SHe had good coaches, and they taught her the culture, and really what the riding was about. At the end of the show she is in this big trick contest, and out of no where she attempts a back flip. totally sick. she eats shit, but the crowd is going nuts, her coach tells her to try something easier.. but she is like f- it I'm doing the back flip. She climbs back up the ramp, rolls in and busts out a back flip. It was only the second time ever a woman had done a back flip in competition. The crowd went nuts, I freaking cried. I cried my eyes out. She was simply awesome. And at the begining, when she could barely ride, to the end with a freakin' backflip, she got the culture, and it was just awesome. Tough kid, crowd went nuts, I balled my eyes out.better than BIG Fish.

Last night they tried the same routine but trying to make the prom queen a skateboarder. It sucked. I was so mad. What a waste of an hour of my life. Yeah she got it a bit, but in the end, eh not so much. I don't know if it's because she didn't learn miraculously, or if as a character I didn't care for her. Perhaps it was because I felt like the BMX made was teh best ever, and this one was such a horrible rip off, just very poorly done. There was no big trick. Yeah, I was happy for her, she learned skaters aren't just creatins and it gave her more confidence, so yeah that was great, but from an enteraniment value, from a what I expected, it sucked. Much like most of MTV it was all hype. Sorry Themi, your show was lame. I hope you keep skating though.


Sunday, January 15, 2006

mac banquet

Jeb with some hardware... get a haircut hippie..

Top 5 Favorite Songs

1. everlong- foo fighters
2. when we two parted – afghan whigs
3. hardest walk- jesus mary chain
4. some times salvation- black crows
5. hammer of the gods led zeppelin
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Hebe mc'ed the event with Janet Jackson. She is just off camera of this picture. She hand another "wardrobe crisis" and the FCC required that she be kept off camera.  Posted by Picasa

fortjame and wes the conquorer discuss the new superman movie.

rocked out a little at the MAC banquet last night. It was cool to see many of the people that really make cross racing special and so damn fun. Me, I wasn't walking away with any hardware, although I thought the night was less about hardware and more about having a good time. Everyone was dressed up a bit, and on the whole I'd have to say we cleaned up pretty nicely.
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everyone dressed to the 9's...

Tom McDaniel showed up, saw Diane, said hello to her and her boobs. He asked, "how you guys doing?" we all laughed. Before that I was feeling bad that I seem to have developed a knack for hitting Tom's bad shoulder. Now I don't feel so bad.

The Banquet was held upstairs at Cadence Bike Shop in Philly. Nice shop, real bling bling. It's the kinda place I want to get when I move out of my parent's basement.
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On Mike Kuhn's recommendation Diane and I headed out to La Bus for dinner. We had a nacho and a couple bowls of chili. The Nacho was fantastic, there was seriously not a chip with out something on it. The true sign of a good nacho is how many chips are left at the end with nothing on it. This plate never had a bad chip. The chili was equally good, although I thought they used too many carrots. I really like vegitarian chilo, I just don't much care for carrots. I think they are the devil's food. Needless to say my flatulence at the gym this morning was epic.

It was a good weekend for sure.
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FortGPOA 2005 MAC cup champions.

What happened to the cup? Back in 1999 and 2000 when we won the cup with Wooden Wheels, we won this cup that had all of the winners names engraved on it. When we got it from Bike Doctor, we wanted to drink out of it, but it was so nasty. Jeanine, Justin and the real Joey's mom cleaned it up for us, and I remember at our year end party drinking Sierra Nevada seasonal ale out of that cup. Fort James told me when FSVS won it there was no drinking out of the cup. I'm betting Wissahickon drank from the cup. Fort GPOA ? I would say, yes, but have they had the chance to drink from the cup? What happened to the cup ?
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hebe and fortjames try to help the parking attendend get this car, which was blocking hebe and Mrs. Hebe in, started. Last reported the Hebe's are still stuck in this garage in Manyunk.  Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Working out with Monkey...

last night Diane and I went to the Y together...

we were on elliptical trainers and she wasn't looking so good.

I started singing to her to pump her up a bit.
"da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da...."
"risin' up back on the streets, took my time took my chances..."

Diane says," what are you doing?"
I reply, " motivating you."

Diane says, "well stop that."

Diane looks at me, and says, " my hr is at 171, how about yours?"
I reply, "112" " shut up" she says sarcastically.

Diane continues, " is my face looking really red?"
I smile at her and reply," oh, we are long past red, that was 10 minutes ago, you are purely purple now..."
Diane, " great, I must look like a fool."
To which I respond, "honey you look great, I mean purple is really a good look for you, I'm telling you it's hot."
"shut up!" she says with a smile.

I asked, " are you seeing white spots yet? that's what I saw all last weekend on my rides..."
She replies, "nope not yet, but thanks for warning me about what's coming..."
"no sweat" I smile back to her...

we finished the night with a brisk walk around the track. It was a fun night. I think I talked her into joining.

Sunday, January 8, 2006

a scary dream, and a lot of suffering...

So I have this weird dream the other night. I'm dreaming I'm in that movie exorcist. I holding a young woman, maybe it was my wife, maybe it was Linda Blair, I'm not sure. But she was panting, with that nasty green face and all kinds of slime coming out of her mouth. I was a little freaked out and waiting for her to puke on me or something, but none of that happened. There was however this warmth I swear I was feeling on my face and a smell. The smell was not horrible as all that green slime might suggest, however it was very much dog breath. Slowly I began to wake not sure if I was having a nightmare or not. As I felt myself coming out of REM I still felt the hot breath, still smelled the doggy breath, and when I opened my eyes sure enough there was layla's head. Resting on my pillow, breathing her hot stinky breath in my face. I wonder if she was having the same dream as I was...

So was kinda thinking I might be able to carry some fitness from cross into my base.
Man, I was wrong about that. This weekend demonstrated to me that I am in a bad way.
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Saturday Met up with Yozell, Elk and Les. They came to ride Fairhill. What was cool was that Elk had some different loops, different ways to ride fairhill than I normally do. So it was like I was getting to learn new trail in my back yard. Boy today hurt a lot. Finally I just popped. Yozell was waiting back for me, and up one section, I was just done. I had to get off and push it over the top. I am soft. Would like to have ridden better, but it's early still was out for over 2 hours. These guys ended up doing 4ish. The pace was good, but I was on the rivet too much just trying to ride moderately with these guys. I was in way over my head, but it was fun.
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this was a dead owl I saw on the road during the ride. Perhaps it was foreshadowing of how I would feel at the end of the ride ? He was cool looking, I was sad he was dead.

Sunday Buddy the leg breaker, Ted Logic, Matty (run forest) and I headed out of Matt's and cut across white clay meeting up with Dan the man, Green Trek John, Capt. Kirk, Amazin' Andrew, Kurtee, Jay Jay, FortJames, SpotPaul, Dennisbike, and Mike "viva" LaFrance. Hope I didn't miss anyone but I probably did. If leg breaker Buddy tries to tell you he isn't riding well, tell him to go jump off a bridge. He went to the front early today, and laid down a strong consistent pace. On the Judge the leg breaker just blew the group to pieces. Dan the man, SpotPaul, and Matty stayed with him, but it was tough. The trails were in good shape especially since we got out early. During a flat change a group rode up to us, we were all very sensitive to watch the soil as the ground was starting to thaw. Who should come up leading this group but King Bartoo himself, who comments, "aren't the trails a little soft today?" with a big ole Cheshire smile on his face. The king has a sense of humor, who knew? Towards the end of the ride I was totally bonking, started to see white spots in front of my eyes. It was ugly. Lots of good smack talk today. It was very funny. I think that's half the fun of these rides.
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dennisbike sheds a layer as dan the man changes a flat...

"Dan, are my booties in your car?"
"well, actually marc, they are on my feet."
"Dan, how are you feet?"
"really warm, yours? "
"haven't felt my toes in an hour..."
"Ah you whinner... go back to whinner island, with all the other... WHINNERS!"

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Amazin'; green trek, and kurtee wait for a re-group

Today was a good day, I am damn lucky to have such a great group of folks to ride with. Tedlogic, Buddy the leg breaker, and Matty (run forest) were even kind enough to help guide me home as my fat bonked ass crept up the road to Matt's. Man that was hard.
Middle run was fantastic today. The crazy 8's and the new bridge trail were delightful.

Like I said before, I really thought I'd carry more fitness into the new season, not that I have started training yet, but still... A month ago I was in the best shape of my racing life, and here I am suckin' hind tit again. I'm the damn slowest dude on my team. I'd better watch myself, of I'm gonna get myself cut. Anyway, I'm gonna go drink some water.

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Thursday, January 5, 2006


So like probably ever racer that is supported by a Local Bike Shop, I from time to time will run a little bill at the shop. this cross season was no different. And as usually the case, I just didn't mention it to the appropriation committee, also known as my wife. Well cross season came and went and I paid off my small bill, and owed the shop nothing. I thought I was home free. the perfect crime, well sort of...

The other day we were driving in the toaster and Diane picked up a bottle of vitamins I kept in the car. What I didn't realize is that the vitamins which I bought when I paid off my bill at the shop had a receipt with full detail of my bill on it. I had paid this off weeks ago, and gave no thought what so ever to it. Diane slyly asks, "so how much do you owe the bike shop now?" I smiled and answered honestly, "nothing ma'am I owe the bike shop nothing." which was the 100% truth.

she asks, " well what's this ? " holding up a detailed account total of pretty much everything I bought during cross season. I said, that's the bill that I used to have, but have paid off at the shop. I figured no blood no foul since it was paid off..."

She smiled at me and said, " you know that's splitting hairs right?" I just smiled. Diane said, "you're just gonna skate on this one aren't you." To which I said ,"yup" and kept on driving. I think I just used my get out of jail free card.

Key here folks. If you have a bill and a diligent shop manager like I have, and you have to run an occasional covert operation, which we all do, Destroy all the evidence. Learn from my mistake. Burn the receipts. destroy them.


Monday, January 2, 2006

New Year's Weekend

riley handles 3 bones on new years...

So last night we roll out of borders after picking up a calendar and a dvd. As we start to walk out the door, the alarm goes off. Mind you I am carrying the bag. I point at Diane and yell, "she did it!" I think half of the store turned and looked at her. She smiles at me and says, "you bastard.."

The manager came over and took the magnetic sticker off my dvd. He didn't even look at Diane. I thought that was funny.

Headed down to elk neck again today. Weather.com predicted showers this morning, but I knew God wanted me to ride elk neck today, so the rain held off until noon when we got done. Another excellent group, it was very fun. Ted logic was the maestro. Dan the man had his cherry popped as he rolled on his On one inbred single speed 29er for the first time. He killed it as he simply rode away from us all on the big climbs. He asked me "so what's the right amount of ice to use for your knees after a ride like this ?" Matt (run forest) commented, " wes and now you, shit I'm going back to sport, I mean it's bad when I have to race 6 hour races because they're easier than single speed class." I love those guys. Spot Paul rode very well, he hadn't been down elk neck in a long time, and he was on me like a bad polyester coat. FortJames had his competitive rhythm pumping strong, Buddy the leg breaker, Fitzy, Amy B, Brad, Randy, and Mike rounded out the group. Amy had a new rig. Jesus I've been on 29er for a few years now, and today there were more 29ers than 26ers, more singles than gears. Shit this was my secret competitive edge. From now on, 29ers suck. Don't get one you'll hate it. I really can't afford anyone else taking away any competitive edge from me. Buddy was playing the "I'm not riding well" card. Bastard was at the front all day. He's gonna have a real nice year. Ted Logic saved one bullet for the last section when we were all pretty beat, and man he killed it. Back at the parking lot there were some tired faces. It was a good day to end the year.

Technical skills were coming back today, much better than last week. Translation: I managed to keep my ass off the ground. Being a good technical cross rider and a good technical mountain biker are truly 2 different things.
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pee break at mile 38...

Amnesty Ride

50 or so folks, roll out on the road at 18 mph as for 50 miles or so. It was pretty nice, good to see lots of folks who I don't usually get to see. It was fun. Dan the man was of course there 2 hours early to get some extra miles. This was new year's day. That's why that the dude rules. Out works them all. It was good to see the PWC guys, and the B folks all together.

At the end of the ride some FSVS dude who I don't know says to me in a stern voice, "don't over lap wheels" which he was probably right, and he was looking out for my best interest, and the best interest of the pack. 99 out of 100 days I would have said okay, whatever, I was in control no biggie. But today, the combination of ego, hunger, and fatigue were too much so I yell out, "don't fXXking tell me how to ride a bike!!" dude responded, "don't yell at me." To which I had the highly intelligent retort, "well don't fucking tell me how to ride my bike!" the chatty group around us got really quiet after that. Yeah, I was a prick, Yes I was creeping up on the guy in front of me, but it's not like we had been in a paceline at all today. Anyway, that's not my point, My point is I shouldn't have yelled at the FSVS dude. I wanted to catch up with the dude in the parking lot before he jetted, but he bolted quickly. And so I apologize for yelling at you dude, it was wrong. Thank you for looking out for my safety, and the safety of the pelotone.

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